Betty Botter bought some butter but, said she, the butter’s bitter.
If I put it in my batter, it will make my batter bitter.
But a bit of better butter will make my bitter batter better.
So she bought some better butter, better than the bitter butter,
put it in her bitter batter, made her bitter batter better.
So ‘t was better Betty Botter bought some better butter.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
Something catchy.
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
How much does a corn flake weigh?
1 Kelloggram.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
What painting is terrible at ever being happy? The Moaning Lisa.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? Because they have two left feet!
Why didn’t the flower get to go out on a second date?
He was a garden variety.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
What do you call Tyrannosaurus rex when it wears a cowboy hat and boots ? Tyrannosaurus tex!
A few years ago, I had a job translating pre-Classical Greek literature into Braille.
It feels like ancient history.
Metaphors be with you.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Taking a bite and finding half a worm.
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
What did God say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?
Well, they can't all be winters.
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
A really leery Larry rolls readily to the road.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Truck drivers have a great way of settling disputes – they only use their horns. It’s known as a fight to the deaf.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
I went to my kid's school for an art exhibition
It was paper view.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
My kid asked why I named our WiFi "ship"?
But that's how everything syncs.
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Did you hear about the scientist that studied nectarines? He won the Nobel Peach Prize.
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
Knock Knock
Who’s there Justin Justin who? Justin time to make the donuts!
What do pigs drive? Pigup trucks.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
What is a neuron's favorite television channel?
The Ion Channel
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What do you call a Halloween boner? Petrified wood
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