When is a vegetable also a nut?
When it’s a corn!
I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit, upon a slitted sheet I sit.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
What's in the middle of Paris?
R.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
What's grey, beautiful and wears glass slippers?
Cinderella-phant.
What do you get when you put a bomb in a dinosaur? Dino-mite.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
There was a fish who wanted to be a broadcaster...
Until he went on air.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
How can you tell if a witch is on a diet?
All her food is potion-controlled.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
I just watched someone try to steal a pumpkin from a bull.
He got gourd.
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
I told everyone that I’m going as a zombie character from Harry Potter this Halloween, but no one believes me.
I’m dead Sirius.
Finding Bigfoot will be no small feat.
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
Why do mummies like myelin?
Because of all the wrapping.
Why wouldn’t the Pharaoh let the Hebrews go?
He was in ‘de Nile.
I was serving my friend a roast in my tiny shoebox apartment. He boasted that he could cook the same dish in a mere two hours...
But I cooked it in a minute flat.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?
Urine trouble.
Q. Which dinosaur species has deep blue-green feathers?
A. Teal-Rex.
What are strange donuts made out of?
Weird-doughs.
Why did the train have to rush to the bathroom?
It’s been toot toot tootin all day long!
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
We’ve got serious chemistry.
The injured player wanted to congratulate the winner, but he couldn’t walkover to the other side of the court.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself.
But apparently he just swallows his pride.
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
What did the guy at the party say when he realized there was nothing left to dip his tortilla chip in?
“I’ve hit guac bottom.”
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
Why are Minotaurs always broke?
Because their loan sharks are always milking them dry!
Once, a wizard had cursed a knight and turned him into a bird. To express his sorrow, he sang throughout the entire day because he had become a knightingle.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
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