There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
Why couldn't the cowboy get down from his horse?
Because you can only get down from a goose.
"Come follow me and I will make you a Fischer of men."
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Who cast the spell of sleep on Dorothy? It was the wicked witch of rest.
Who was the knight that was very secretive?
Sir Reptitious
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
Witch doctors write their prescriptions in curse-ive.
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
How could you tell the horse gained weight?
It had extra girth.
A crayon that looks like a strawberry is usually called a cranberry.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
What's the difference between a stepping stool and a miniature 3D printer?
The former is a little ladder and the latter is a little former.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!
How did the skeletons make s’mores when they went camping?
They made them on the bone-fire.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
"Say you'll be wine."
Aliens hate playing golf in space as there are too many black holes!
"Some bunny loves you."
Icy what you did there.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
What did the orange do the night before the exam?
He put his nose to the “g-rind-stone” and read the entire textbook.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?
Cherpies, but don't worry.
It's tweetable.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects? A con artist.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
When we cross a deer and a mouse, what would we get?
“Mickey Moose!”
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What do you call who has been electrocuted? You call it anion.
What type of keys does the gingerbread man unlock his door with? cook-keys!
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What's so special about twitter alphabet soup? It only has 140 letters.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
What did one tectonic plate say to the other when they bumped into each other?
Sorry, that was my fault.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
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