Strawberries are the most bullied of the fruits.
They're always getting picked on.
I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What’s that green head of something that is the main part of a salad?
Lettuce think about it.
What do you call a room full of crows? Crowded.
Why did the fish cross the road? Cause it was hooked!
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
More candles means a bigger wish!
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What do you call an alligators nurse?
Gator-aid.
French people give me the crepes.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Every single morning I get hit by the same bike.
It's a vicious cycle.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Who did the Caribbean jerk fall in love with? The Spice Girl next door.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
How did the pine propose to the apple? With a pineapple ring.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
What do you call young avocados?
Avokiddos.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
I decided to add a water fixture to my backyard...
... it's going well
What does a brain do when it sees a friend across the street?
Gives a brain wave.
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
What's a redneck's favorite beer?
An open one.
Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
Why did the orange become juice?
It couldn't handle the pressure.
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do you call a fruit riding a motorcycle?
“An Orange County Chopper.”
Which superhero likes spring the best?
Robin.
We were mermaid for each other.
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
What type of photos do neurons post to Facebook?
Cellfies.
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What do a mommy bee and a daddy bee make when they have alone time?
A babe-bee.
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus!
After the death of his wife a few years, the pineapple stands on the graveyard and says “I pine for you, sweetheart!”
Botanists have developed a vegetable that eliminates the need to brush your teeth.
Bristle sprouts.
What’s the best dessert to serve at a St. Patrick’s Day party?
Paddy cake!
Thin grippy thick slippery.
Did you know there's a college in the brain for hippopotami?
It's called the Hippocampus.
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