These thousand tricky tongue twisters trip thrillingly off the tongue.
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
"Check, mate."
"Checkmate."
"Hey! Can I get the check, mate?!?"
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What does a priest put on his salad?
Lettuce spray.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
Because she grew out of her B-shells.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
Why don't mining towns have hospitals?
Because everyone there only ever suffers from minor injuries.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
Where is a basketball player's favorite place to eat?
Dunkin' Donuts
What do you call it when there are two nuns in a drum circle?
a conundrum
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
Take a page from the book and leaf.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
The cashew called the peanut boring.
The peanut felt very unsalted.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
“He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.”
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...
You've seen a maul!
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
Why does water never laugh at jokes?
It isn’t a fan of dry humor.
Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Finally, the soccer ball decided to quit the team. The reason behind its move was that it was tied of being kicked around.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
How does herpes get out of the hospital ?
On crotches.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
Where do chess grandmasters keep their pet snakes?
In a chesst.
What does a short sighted detective wear?
Suspectacles
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
Did you hear that the Lemon and the Orange divorced?
The Lemon was very bitter.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
The calm before the score
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
I don’t know why everyone is so upset about untraditional family structures, it’s been happening in the animal world for years. For example, all water buffalos have three parents.
One oxygen buffalo and two hydrogen buffalos.
Why did the orange lose his job at the factory? He didn’t concentrate.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
I wrote a song to memorialize the man killed when a piano fell down a mine shaft.
It's in A flat minor.
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