Why do computers wear glasses?
To improve their web-sight.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
What’s the healthiest piece of furniture?
The vege-table
My investment banker used all of my money to buy a leather jacket and a motorcycle, and when I asked for it back he told me to 'sit on it'.
I think he might be running a Fonzi scheme.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
How do Greek gods say sorry to one another
"I Apollo-gise"
Why does everyone want ice cream to be on their team?
Because with them, anything is popsicle.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
I hopped on the bus yesterday afternoon. After a few minutes, the driver asked me to sit down like everyone else
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
Why did the house make an appointment with the doctor?
It had a window-pane.
What do you call a kid who wants to cannibalise his siblings?
A munchkin.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
Who are the cousins of the werewolf?
What-wolf and When-wolf
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
because it felt crumby.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
Did you hear about the new watermelon powered cars set to come out next year? Yeah, it’s too bad you only get a water-melon the gallon.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Geology rocks but Geography is where it's at.
What do cars have on toast.
Butter and traffic jam.
Got my friend an unnecessarily large rocket for bonfire night.
He's over the moon!He's over the moon!
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What do you do with a green ghoul?
Wait until it ripens!
Why do they eat snail in France?
Because they don’t have fast food.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
She sold six shabby sheared sheep on ship.
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
Picking strawberries can be a very fruitful endeavor!
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
Where do bugs go to watch the big game? Apple-Bees.
The green light at the road signal looked at the red light and said, "Don't look while I am changing".
What was the pumpkin's favorite sport?
Squash.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
What's the hardest tea to swallow?
Reality.
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