When would an apple be not an apple? When it is a pineapple!
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
I have a friend who has been diagnosed with a phobia of sausages. She always fears the wurst.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
Gobbling gorgoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.
What do you need to know to teach a dinosaur tricks? More than the dinosaur.
There was a bald man who married his comb.
He promised, “I’ll never part with it!”
Why did the skeleton climb up the tree?
Because a dog was after his bones!
You know, I didn't kiss my wife until I was married...
because she wasn't my wife until we were married.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
Whatever coats your boat.
What do you call a cold dog sitting on a rabbit? A chili dog on a bun!
Stealthy minotaurs are always camooflauged.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
Hassock hassock, black spotted hassock. Black spot on a black back of a black spotted hassock.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
What word backwards can predict the future? Cookies (Seikooc as in psychic of you say it).
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
Q: Who is Peach’s favorite actor?
A: Brad Pit.
Which alphabet gang strikes fear in the hearts of the other letters?
I Q U.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Keep calm and leprech-on.
What would you call a singer who's really scared of medusa?
A rockstar.
Why did the butchers meating end soon? Because one of them started beef.
What does a mosquito say to greet his girlfriend?
"M'laria."
She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he likes cool music...
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
Do you beer-lieve in magic?
What do you call a cow with no legs at all? Ground beef
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What’s an orange’s favourite animal? An orange-utan.
"Aloe you vera much."
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
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