Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
Pardon me if I’m being pool-itically incorrect.
Why did Italy surrender in WW2?
Because Italics aren't bold.
What do you call it when pigs attack you?
A hambush.
Q: What do you call a windmill swallowed up by a tornado?
A: A wind meal
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed
Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
AYE, MATEY!
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
What Beatles song charted highest in Italy?
Penne Lane.
I’m currently reading a book on anti-gravity and it’s impossible to put it down.
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was a casual tea.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
St. Patrick’s is all about the pursuit of hoppiness!
What did the banana do when it saw a gorilla? The banana split.
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
What does a grape do with his grandchildren?
He is raisin them.
I've already heard seven cancer puns today.
If I hear tumor it's gonna benign.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...
She beats the eggs and whips the cream.
Which country do sheep go on vacation? The Baaa-hamas.
Bowlers pay a lot of money to play. This is because it is a bum per lane.
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
Why was the realtor upset with his truck driver client one day?
The client wanted a house with really long haul ways.
Why do old artists never die? They just put things in perspective.
Knife and a fork bottle and a cork
that is the way you spell New York.
Chicken in the car and the car can go,
that is the way you spell Chicago.
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
What do you call the onions which are small and yellow and very naughty? You call it a minonion!
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
You know I always wanted to open my own sandwich shop. I would have all the meat and bread money could buy...
Problem was I was afraid something would go a rye
I loaf you a lot.
Let’s go to bread.
Have you ever been on a party boat?
It’s a Yacht of fun.
How did the electrician pay for his new phone?
He charged it.
What do you call a big boat full of fish
A carp ark.
Did I invite you to the Barbecue?
Then why are you all up in my grill?
How does spider man always come up with such clever comebacks?
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
Don't even chai.
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
I once had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of carbonated orange juice.
Thankfully it was just a fanta sea.
What do you call a small mosque in Spain?
A mosquito!
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
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