What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Why did the man eat the light bulb?
He was hoping it would give him a bright idea.
A sad peach can be really pit-iful, sometimes.
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
What time do werewolf Cowboys have a shootout?
High Moon!
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
How do eggs get around?
On a s-egg-way.
Who should drive home out of the two friends?
The one who is not tired.
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
Did you see the movie about the hot dog? It was an Oscar Wiener
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
What's a goblins favorite dinner?
Ghoulash.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
The green light at the road signal looked at the red light and said, "Don't look while I am changing".
Lost at sea? I'm not shore.
They say I’m too indecisive to be a tennis umpire
but I still haven’t ruled it out.
What do you call two celebrities who get into a gun fight?
One is a shooting star, and the other is a falling star.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
From the b-autumn of my heart, I love fall!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
Driving a truck carrying cutlery is easy – as soon as you see the fork in the road, you know you’re there.
I got down on one knee and asked her if she'd be the mother to my kids, she said yes...
Guess who's gonna find a bunch of losers in a box tomorrow morning at their doorstep.
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
What do penguins eat for lunch?
Ice burg-ers.
How did the cheese get such curly hair?
It got a permasan.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
What did the blender say to his crush?
"I have mixed feelings about you, but we might blend together perfectly."
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
We’re calling your number.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
“Si, está.”
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
The directions for my new dandruff shampoo are very confusing.
It's a real head-scratcher!
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
My wife says to me this morning "Our son's toothbrush is getting fraid"
I say "What's it so fraid of?"
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
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