Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt Artica!
Dracula really doesn't have any other vampire friends. It's because he's a total pain in the neck.
What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess.
Check matey!
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.
The view was NOT worth the trip.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
An army of werewolves is known as a Fur-eign Legion.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
What did the deer write in his journal every day? Deer diary.
There was a group of ants that always went on parties together, but one smelled way worse than the others.
He was de odor ant.
What's yellow and writes? A ball-point banana.
Two spines are running up the hill as a hedgehog passes by them
Then one spine turns and says to the other “we missed the bus!!”
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
What did the LEFT Stereo Speaker say to the RIGHT, as he was being taken away for repairs
AUDIOS!
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
Did you hear about the potato that got its head chopped off? It was decap-potatoed.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
The perfume was very cheap.
It's price was in cents.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher that got killed by her students?
She couldn’t control her pupils.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What blood type does a pessimist have?
B Negative
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.
Did you hear that Mexicans created a machine that dispenses fish?
They call it a pez dispenser.
What’s Another Name For iPhone Chargers?
Apple Juice.
What is a car’s favourite fashion accessory?
A clutch bag.
I’ve never understood fog machines.
They mystify me to this day.
I know my shot was in. But I won’t argue, because I’m not up for the challenge.
I took my dog's bone away from him.
She was fur-rious.
The watermelon thief was charged with robbery with violence, but the judge later changed that to a minor felony; or melony as he put it.
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
What does a skeleton use to cut through objects?
A shoulder blade.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Which soccer position does a Ghost play? Ghoulkeeper, of course.
Someone just stole some grass from my garden.
Strange I know, thought robbers stuck to their own turf.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny left his treasure
Eggs marks the spot.
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
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