What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
Why should you live a pineapple life? Because Life is sweet.
Icy what you did there.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
When ghosts visit the seaside, they always get an i-scream.
Fall is a-maize-ing.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
This weekend, I will watch a new Irish movie based on a marathon runner who only ate potatoes. It is called Starch Trek.
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he soon has you in stitches.
I was terrified by the results of my blood test
But my doctor just said B positive
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Why does a skeleton always tell the truth?
He wants tibia honest.
Have you heard of the band 1023MB?
They haven't got a gig yet.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
This Valentine's day, I decided to pay extra and buy flowers that look after themselves.
They are Self Raising.
Have you guys heard of the musical group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
So I asked Satan if he had any milk I could drink...
He told me "No whey in Hell!"
What do you call your sibling’s daughter, who is famous?
Star anise
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
I created a vaccine for apathy, but unfortunately no one seems interested.
My local pizza place is selling heart shaped pizzas for Valentine’s Day
I find it to be a bit cheesy.
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
How did that avocado baker make bread?
With avoca-dough.
Why was the well done steak a terrible gossip? It wasn't juicy enough!
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
Topside, silverside and brisket tend to groan when they get up from their chairs. This is because they are achey joints.
Being vegetarian was a huge missed-steak.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.
Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight.
There would be mass confusion.
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
Where's a pickle's favorite place to go in London?
Pickle-dilly Square.
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