The boot black brought the black boot back.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Why didn't the kids eat their soup? Because they're stew peed.
What did the baby corn call his dad?
Pop corn!
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
What did the reindeer dad tell his son?
Deer to be different!
The leech, who is good at drawing blood, applied for a job in an art gallery.
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
A ghost's favourite pie flavour is boo-berry.
What did mutter say to paneer? Tu cheese badi hai mast mast.
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s a long story.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
Every koala supports the idea of being able to defend themselves against tyranny. They believe in having the right to bear claws.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What did the patient with the broken leg say to their doctor?
Hey doc, I have a crutch on you.
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
During the pandemic, all the children asked to draw pictures of the different types of grass. The children had to submit their grass-essments online.
Ever had real cane sugar?
It cannot be beet.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?
It's mole-itically incorrect.
What do we call the period in between eating a peach? – It is called a pit stop.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
I waited over an hour for my cappuccino and when it arrived there was too much milk and not enough coffee. Still, better latte than never.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
"Hey dad, my electric toothbrush is broken!"
"No son, it's just gone acoustic."
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
What did the Spanish fireman call his two sons?
José and Hose-B.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
I like New York, unique New York, I like unique New York.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed?
You buy it from the cat-alog!
Why are ghosts no good at running a railway? A. Because they can’t even put on a skeleton service!
Nurse: You can come by at 6 today. Very little patients today.
Man: What happened to the normal sized patients?
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
Which Hollywood actor can tell his car's odometer reading without looking at it?
Miles Teller
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
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