What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage.
It replied, “No, thanks, I am traveling light.”
Stay away from Gmail if you don't want to get shivers down your spine
There's clearly a draft in there.
My blind friend did LSD for the first time...
There was a lot more tripping than usual.
How do you find zebra?
Look under zeshirt.
I used to randomly steal beverages off people...
I stopped when I realized it wasn't my cup of tea
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
“Statistically…. 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.”
What is a dessert called with an extra chromosome?
A chocolate downie.
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
There once was a family, the Bigger’s.
There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and a son, baby Bigger. Which one was the largest?
The son, because he was a little Bigger.
What does a kangaroo do when it gets Covid? Goes to the hop-spittle.
What do you call a turtle who takes up photography?
A snapping turtle.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?
Wayne Regretzky
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
Heard a rumor of a giant butterfly in London. Probably just an urban moth.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Who did the ghost take to prom? His ghoulfriend.
Whats the first day of the week called in outer space?
Moonday.
I came home to find many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.
Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Making puns ha?
Toucan play that game.
2 years ago, the doctor told me I was losing my hearing.
Haven't heard from him since then.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
When I took a break from having soup, my mom said "Carry on, why did you stoup?"
What kind of money does deer use?
“Bucks!”
Why do perfumes always hang out in pairs?
Because they don't want to get cologne-ly!
What do you call a guy who can't stop running along the beach?
Joggernaut.
Why did i murder the woman who served me a glass of wine?
Because i wanted tequila.
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
"You can't beat me."
Crows love Cawnie Chung, their favorite reporter.
What is the difference between a cow that produces normal milk and a cow that produces chocolate milk?
A mootation
Where do aliens park their flying saucers?
At a parking meteor.
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
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