What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive you! and I want the whole world to know it.
Everybody romaine calm.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
A space fish is usually called starfish.
Blue jeans are immortal. They never die, they just fade away!
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
It's ice to meet you.
Are you still wondering why the basketball player could listen to his music? Don’t you know he broke a record!
Two tomatoes went jogging. One trips and falls. The other tomato said, "Grab my Heinz and I'll help you up." Trippy tomato replies, "Nah, you go ahead. I'll ketchup."
What do you learn in witch school?
Spelling.
What is an astronaut's favorite candy bar?
Milky way.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
We’ve all heard of the mushroom who gets invited to the party cause he’s a fungi, but what about the mushroom who stole all the halloween candy?
He had no morrels.
My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.
He didn’t want to make a spectacle.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Why is the giant afraid of Jack?
Because Jack's beanstalking him.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?
With tentacles!
What should you do if you find a dinosaur in your bed ? Find somewhere else to sleep!
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
Why does it take so long for the EU to figure out how much Italy owes them every year?
Hey, ease up. Rome wasn't billed in a day.
What is a nurse’s favorite element?
Healium.
What country do marathoners retire to?
Iran.
Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?
Because it was over 90 degrees.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What do you call Spider-Man at his full potential
Petest Parkest.
I have to pay for a bus ticket?
I guess it's only fare
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
How does a pod of dolphins make a decision?
They flipper coin!
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!
I was boiling vegetables in the saucepan the other day when my wife went to move it...
I said careful, it’s got a leek in it.
Who brings the monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
I could have been an astronaut...
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
Which channels do the asteroids like to watch? The comet-y channel.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
Did you see the display of still-life art? It was not at all moving.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
Dublin over in laughter.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
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