My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
What party game do rabbits like to play?
Musical Hares!
Why are acorns bad at telling jokes? Because they tend to be acorn-y.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
why are the discarded papers that once held the halloween candy just like vocalists who have lost their rhythm, art, and poetry?
they are both empty rappers
What happened to the pineapple who was turned down for a date? Crushed pineapple.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Snow on and snow forth.
Why did the artist get into a heated argument with the gallery curator? He just wasn't in the right frame of mind.
I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
Got a pet zebra, didn’t realise how hungry they are. He eats like a horse.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
What do you call a camel with three humps?
Pregnant.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
A detective was interviewing the victim of an assault.
The victim described the assailant as a leather box with a handle on it. The culprit was arrested 30 minutes later.
It was a brief case.
Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
We have great chemis-tree.
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Real rocks are too heavy.
What do you call a person really crazy about the moon
A lunatic.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Q: Why did no one like peach’s personality?
A: Because it had a heart of stone.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
Why do thespians have great hair? They want the perfect part.
Why were the axons bothered by myelin?
It was getting on their nerves.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Whats a good Spanish sports channel?
ESBieN.
Did Dick Pickens prick his pinkie pickling cheap cling peaches in an inch of Pinch or framing his famed French finch photos?
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
How do French skeletons say hello?
- Bone-jour!
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What do you call a chicken looking at a bowl of lettuce?
Chicken sees a salad.
What kind of birds do skeletons like?
Sea skulls.
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