What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
What do you call a beaver with a bad attitude who acts lazy? A beaver that doesn’t give a dam.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do you call a Jamaican man born in Italy?
Reggae-Toni.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
The pancake was quiet because it did not like to waffle.
I went into the kitchen and found that someone replaced all the cutting utensils with spoons
That wasn't knife.
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid
She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.
I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth
What do ghoul scouts hope to achieve by selling halloween cookies? They hope to make a good first impression.
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
Why did the blonde run backward?
She wanted to gain weight.
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
What did the Italian marine Biologist say when asked to identify an eel?
That's a moray!
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
"What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?" "I want you inside me!"
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
My girlfriend really changed after she became vegan
It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
No one laughed at my milk jokes. They said they were too cheesy.
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
When you cross a magician and an airplane, the result is a flying sorcerer.
How do you make a tissue paper dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
Onions are great gymnasts as they have the advantage of swinging on the onion rings.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
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