I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
When Joseph served in Pharaoh’s court.
What’s a gardener’s favorite type of trousers? Ones with turnips.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
A bit late but here goes anyway: what do you call the elf who checks Santa's grammar?
A subordinate claus!
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
You wanna know the way to my heart?
A scalpel and a bone saw.
I work at an Ink company in Spain. Yesterday I held a Competition about our company’s history. But looks like no one wanted to be a part of the
Spanish Ink Quiz Session.
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
Why do Ghosts avoid the rain? It dampens their spirits.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
The bread actor was sad because he lost a juicy roll.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
Calm before the score
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Where do prehistoric reptiles like to go on vacation? To the dino-shore.
Wine puns. They're always in pour taste.
I like telling dad jokes.
Sometimes he laughs.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
A truck carrying ladders crashed on the road. The cargo has spilled over, but police are taking steps to clear the area.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
Mix a box of mixed biscuits with a boxed biscuit mixer.
Shut up the shutters and sit in the shop.
When Papa red wanted to have some toppings on his bread, he told Son red, "Pass me the crimson!"
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Who's the scariest dancer ever?
The Boogie Man.
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Wrap music.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
What do you call a man in the ocean with no arms and no legs? Bob.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What did the owl booty text his girlfriend?
I’ve been thinking about you owl night long.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
Egg-Plant a kiss on me.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
Q. Which sweet dessert is banned from the menu at the Deer Cafe?
A. Chocolate Moose.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
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