How do werewolves eat lunch?
They wolf it down.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
How did citizens of Ancient Greece measure land for crops?
By Demeter.
Did you heard about the zombie crow? He wants to eat your grains.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Why are snails allowed on ships?
Escargot.
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
What animal could Noah not trust?
Cheetah
What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
What do moon people do after they get married?What do moon people do after they get married?
Go on their honeyearth.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
What do you say when two red blood cells get married?
Coagulations!
What did the painter say to the wall? Another crack like that and I'll have to plaster you!
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
I started dating her when she backed her car into mine at the mall.
I guess you could say we totally met by accident.
Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done!
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
It’s been a few years since the invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids are nothing to look at.
What's yellow and always points to the north? A magnetic banana.
Why did the citrus fruit join the military?
“Because it was a navel orange.”
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
What is the maggot army called? The Apple Corps.
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
Knock Knock.
Who’s there? Donut. Donut who? Donut ask, it’s a secret!
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
I was going to make another mountain pun but I can't think of summit.
I always tend to forget the french word for strawberry sometimes. But, then I eventually remember the fraise.
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
Why did the peanut take everything off its wall? It didn’t want any walnuts.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
What do you call the guy who draws pictures of criminal suspects? A con artist.
What did the Easter Bunny say to its partner? We make one egg-celllent couple.
How does a dolphin do cocaine?
With its blow hole.
My dentist said that my oral hygiene wasn't up to scratch, so she recommended me a new toothpaste.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
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