Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
The magazine my daughter gets each month always smells like perfume. I wondered aloud if they scent it.
Then I realized, of course they sent it. Otherwise it would have never come.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
If art became imprisoned we'd have to Freda art.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
There is a Giant Screwdriver attacking the city. Please seek shelter immediately. This is not a drill.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
How much wood could Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck, if Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood? If Chuck Woods' woodchuck could and would chuck wood, how much wood could and would Chuck Woods' woodchuck chuck? Chuck Woods' woodchuck would chuck, he would, as much as he could, and chuck as much wood as any woodchuck would, if a woodchuck could and would chuck wood.
Why has the prosthesis dealer become a private detective?
He has a nose for these things.
Why did the mouse stay inside?
Because it was raining cats and dogs.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
I'm looking to sell my toothpaste collection.
Don't worry, they're all in mint condition.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What did one slice of bread say to the other at their wedding?
Let’s grow mold together.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Why is Christmas the cheesiest holiday? Baby cheeses. (Baby Jesus)
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
Once upon a time I was accidentally made a priest.
It was a clerical error.
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
If you get an email about pork salt and fat, don't open it.
It's Spam.
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
"I lava you."
What do you call a mosquito sitting on your spouse’s cheek?
A golden opportunity.
To the person who has been eating all of my mixed nuts.
I'm going to cashew.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck...
It was a camel tow
Why did king Minos put Minotaur inside a labyrinth?
He wanted to amaze his wife.
Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's medi-ogre.
Why would the fruits beat the vegetables?
They have a better punch.
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
What do you call a storm that doesn't come to fruition?
A mist opportunity!
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