What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
Why was the geologist always depressed?
He had a hard rock life.
Physics puns are no joke. It’s a relatively dark matter.
Q: What do you call a French guy being mauled by a tiger?
A: Claude.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
What did the snowman and his wife put over their baby’s crib?
A snowmobile!
Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why? The orchard's on fire.
The local baker keeps punching his doughy friend because he wants to get a rise out of him.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
What is a grandma sheep called?
A baaaa-nana
How many indie musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s an obscure number, you probably haven’t heard it.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Yesterday, I bought my wife a cheese grater to use on cheddar and parmesan, both of which I hate.
It was the grater of two evils.
My father loves eating reams of soup. That is the reason why I think he should be nominated to the Soup – ream – court!
This autumn, the garden told the mower to leaf him alone in peace.
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
Yoda one for me!
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
Where do werewolves store their things?
In a were-house.
What do you tell your friend after she breaks up with a cheese lover?
You’re cheddar off without him!
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European!
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
I’ll never fir-get.
Why don't boats have funerals?
They have wakes.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
Q. What happened when the computer geeks met?
A. It was love at first site!
What do you call a t-shirt with cut off arms?
An amputee.
How can astronauts get more protein in their diet? They make it meteor.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
A cued peach visual communication system is used with people suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.
I know she means well.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
What did the phone say to the radio when they met for a date?
This is AUXhilarating
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
Where do aliens park their flying saucers?
At a parking meteor.
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
What type of bar is kid friendly?
A chocolate bar.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
Me and my sister used to be like peas in a pod, but recently she's become too snap-pea.
Why did the thief cut the legs off his bed?
Because he needed to lie low.
What was the donut’s least favorite part of its day?
I’m not really sure; it glazed over that part.
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