What did the thunderstorm say to the lightning rod?
You'll never catch me, copper!
Why did the Meteorologist go to hospital?
He was feeling under the weather.
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
Why did the cherry go to the good drinks factory? It was cordially invited.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
I’m a small Irish creature who has been diagnosed with a serious sickness. It’s Leprechronic.
Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
V
V
Edit*: sorry it seems as the CTRL button on my keyboard isn't working
What does a Clydesdale say when you offer them a carrot?
“Of course, my horse.”
My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our backyard.
She's a keeper.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What can you find in the middle of April and March but not at the beginning or end of either?
The letter R!
What is the wealthiest nut ever?
“A cashooo.”
Why did Frankenstein turn to solar?
For the free charge.
A monk, a priest and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.
The rabbit says "I think I'm a type o"
He threw three free throws.
I met him yesterday, he was on his way to meet the counselor for a peach therapy session.
I don't like cutting up a peach. I think it's because of the pits.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
I aorta tell my wife how much I love her.
March 17 is near, and I am so excited about it. The clover it gets, the more excited I become.
How good is a Coney Island gyro? Feta than se*.
I’m a wrapper, so I get a lot of dough. A bread wrapper, that is.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
The squirrel’s chest got dirty with nuts, now it has a chest-nut.
Have your elf a merry little Christmas.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
Who's a witch's favorite movie director?
Steven Spellberg.
I had the best ice pun to tell you…
Problem is, it slipped my mind.
What do you call a hippie's wife?
A Mississippi.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.
Now he's my father-in-slaw.
Treat yo'elf.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
My dad got me a clone of myself for my birthday...
He said “Here, it’s faux you!”
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
I've written a book about a very grumpy British pea farmer, it's called "Mind your peas and queues."
There was this bald guy at the bus
He seemed really lightheaded
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
This weekend is going to be LITerary.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.
In the Camel Kingdom, the king and his family live in the Camelot castle.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
What fruit loves chocolate?
A cocoa nut.
Go to BabaMail
