What is a car’s favourite element?
Carbon.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
What do you call an anthropomorphic animal blended in ice cream?
A McFurry
I just got a new bathtub
But we dont have to get into that right now
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Why did the mathematician work from home?
Because he could only function in his domain.
I was opening up all the vents in our house. My wife didn't understand why.
"You may think that's eVENTfull. You'll undestand why I do this eVENTually"
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.
No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
Which Bible character had no parents?
Joshua, son of Nun (Joshua 1:1).
The librarian is kicked off the aeroplane because it has already been overbooked.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to France from America?
Son, we are now Europeants!
What do kittens wear? Dia-purrs!
What drink do you need to steal? Virgin-tea. Why do hipsters only drink iced tea? Because ice was water before it was cool.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
I tried finding the dairy factory last night, but I had no luck. I must have lost my whey.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
I told my mom there was a crack in her mug...
She said, ”No, only tea.”
"I think you should embrace the change, son"
Said my father as he handed me a handful of coins.
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
What martial art does Earth know?
Geo-Jitsu.
I don't mind leg day at the gym.
It's just the two days after that I can't stand.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
What did the British man say to the man with the submachine gun he's never met?
Uzi?
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Go to BabaMail
