Which Habs great once worked as a janitor? Broom-Broom Geoffrion.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Did you hear about the audio drama about peas?
It’s a pod-cast
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
What do you call a small Subaru car covered in road salt?
An Impretzel!
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
My Dad drove a truck for 32 years.
He was terrible with directions.
My wife was scratching the glass jar with a metal spoon...
It was jarring!!!
I was driving along the motorway one day when a truck in front of me shed its load of cabbage. Never slaw that coming.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What did the werewolf say when he sat on sandpaper?
- Ruff!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
I got 5 packs of deodorant for a nickel.
Deodorant is a scent.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance? His ghoul friend.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
I’m feelin’ green.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
It's Taco Night, so on my way home, I grabbed a bag of shredded cheese at the store, queso we needed some more.
.
What did the Hollywood film director say to the young neuron that wanted to be an actor?
"Hey kid, you've got potential."
The latest thing in flooring are these ductile floor tiles. They’re great because they’re flexible but...
They have a tendency to quack.
What did one soap molecule say to the other soap molecule in prison?
"Get out. This is micelle"
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
My dad tried to put peas into an orange once. It didn't appeal to me.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
What did man say to the guacamole?
Avocado crush on you.
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
Which cow has great pickup lines? A cow which is smooth as milk.
What do you get when you cross a Tambourine with a Submarine?
The Salvation Navy
Why do onions have poor self-image?
Because people cry when they get onions naked.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
The snowman keeps having tantrums, they're real meltdowns!
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor.
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