In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Why are some cake jokes not as good as the others?
They tend to grow mold.
Who’s an apple’s favorite relative?
Granny.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
I earned money by selling broth. Now I am a bouillonaire.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What did God say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?
Well, they can't all be winters.
What does Avogadro put in his hot chocolate?
Marsh-mole-ows
What did the beach say to the water? "I need some vitamin sea."
We got a huge jack-o-lantern this fall. It gave the neighbors pumpkin to talk about.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
On Halloween, I will be wearing a normal everyday T-Shirt
I'll be going as a Casualty
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
Why did the Iron Chef have to stop cooking? He ran out of Thyme.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
My girlfriend left me because all I do is talk about football.
I'm so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
What is the name of the onion ring that cannot but be funny? It is a Funyon!
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?!
My wife's been on a banana diet.
She hasn't lost any weight, but you should see her climb trees now!
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are at the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
My friend built an aromatherapy vaporiser with a built-in brain scanner
Seems a bit out there, but makes scents when you think about it.
Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence? A convict.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
What are mammoles?
Four-legged ani-moles
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toe?
Mitosis!
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
I have no problem with listings with finished basements.
They’re my best cellars!
My sinks been on deaths door for the past week or so...
I finally decided to pull the plug.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
Did you know that ghosts call their true love their ghoul-friend?
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
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