What did the young Toyota say to his mother when she asked what he wanted for dinner?
Taco ma
While I was riding my bike, there was a big tropical storm. I decided to cyclone.
Don't drink too much coffee after breakfast. You might face a latte problems.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
The reason orange juice doesn’t slide well on hard wood floors is Because of pulp friction.
Want to start a Hula band that covers music by Poison.
Gonna call it Poi, Son.
What is a female "Douchebag" in France called??
A douche-baguette.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
What's the first tea that comes in a teapot?
empytea
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
What Christmas carol do candy bars sing? Almond Joy To The World.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Why did the bicycle fall over?
Because it was 2-tired.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
There is a rule that cats can shed hair on anything in the house… It is called fur-niture for a reason!
What has 4 wheels and flies?
Garbage truck
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
We’re a perfect mash.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
What does a bee do when it is extremely hot?
It takes off its yellow jacket!
I just wanted to make a good frost impression.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
when I’m with you.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business!
I broke up with my partner on our front stairs.
It was a stoop end to the situation.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
Which nut is the worst for your diet?
Donuts.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
What do runners eat before a big race?
Fast food.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
Why did the neuron like to sleep in the top bunk bed?
It wanted to have a high resting potential.
Why do Bigfoots like to tell jokes?
Because they're killer comedians.
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple. What did the apple say to the apple pie? "You've got some crust."
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
What does a mommy cherry say to her children? I love you cherry much.
Restrooms in restaurants often have a sign saying "Employees must wash hands".
But after waiting hours, no one has ever helped me with mine!
Saw a sign for bath plugs. I didn’t know that was electric!
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