Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
What kind of keys does a kid skeleton use on Halloween? Cook-keys.
Q. What is a popular search engine for ghosts?
A. GHOULgle!
What did the guest say when he arrived at the peanut butter’s dinner party?
“Nice spread!”
What did the Apple say to the lemon & lime when he found out they were correct?
Yeah, I guess you’re Sprite
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
What did one werewolf say when he saw his friend?
- Howl’s it going?
What do you say when your dad wears a speedo to the pool?
Spee-don’t!
I don’t know about you, but I think helicopter rescue pilots have the best pick-up lines.
It is not uncommon for elephants to start a stampede. Especially if they want to play for the Chargers.
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
Have you ever wondered if illiterate people would get the full effects of alphabet soup?
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
Where are neurons put in jail when they commit a crime?
A nerve cell.
What’s a gardener’s favorite Beatles song? Lettuce Be.
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
Vampires love cookies too, they love No-stake cookies.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
Where did the Terminator find extra olive oil??
Aisle B, back.
Officer: “I’m sorry sir, it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck.”
Me: ”Yeah I know, but she’s got a great personality though!”
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
What do cherries write in love letters? I miss you cherry-bly.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
What's black, white, purple, yellow and blue? Sugilite, opal, and sardonyx fighting over a gumball.
What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? Tie won shu
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?
Why are two parrots better than one? One parrot can't carry a coconut, but toucan!
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a tortoise?
A slow-pork.
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. I lost my case.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
Did you just hear that perfume bottle talk?
I think it's becoming scentient.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
"There's no bunny like you."
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
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