What is it called when a gardener covertly listens to foliage falling in the fall?
Leaves-dropping.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..
I didn't see that coming.
What is a popular videogame for young utensils?
Fork Knife.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
They had no chemistry!
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
Why did the skeleton want to join band?
He wanted a trom-bone!
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
What do you call a sleeping werewolf?
An unaware-wolf.
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
I'm not the fig plucker,
nor the fig plucker's son,
but I'll pluck figs
till the fig plucker comes.
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
I told my family this joke about a goat...
They said it was a baaaaad joke.
I felt sad for my brother's computer being overclocked because I heard the processor say, "Stop it! It hertz so much!".
When it comes to seasonal drinks, more and more are converting to the church of pumpkin spice,
but I choose to remain eggnogstic.
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
What do you call two celebrities who get into a gun fight?
One is a shooting star, and the other is a falling star.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
Did you hear about the submarine industry?
It really took a dive...
I like to say mucho when i’m talking to my Spanish speaking friends.
It means a lot to them.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
Why do all the boats in Scandinavia have barcodes on the sides of them?
It makes it easier to... scan da navy in.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
He didn’t want to split hairs.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
Why do you need six players to carry the volleyball to the game? No one can carry the volleyball and a whole team.
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What do German meat lovers breathe?
Hamburg-air
“URINE: opposite of ‘you’re out.'”
How did the witch feel about using her broom to do housework?
She bristled at the suggestion!
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Ignore your mother's bad joke, son...
It's a faux pa.
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
Did you hear the terrible rumor about the volleyball player? That’s what she set!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a Spider? A Hare net!
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