What is a cannibal's favourite cheese? Limburger
I go through so much shampoo it's just ridiculous!
I don't know, maybe my head is bigger than most but it does say to use a cap full.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
Where do point guards take their dates to party after the game?
To a basket ball.
My doctor didn’t show up to the appointment about my hairline.
He said it got pushed back
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What would a self deprecating wardrobe say?
"I hate my-shelf"
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I'm snow bored.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest...
For I have synonymed.
49. What does a child car play with?
Toy-otas.
What do you call a distant shower sponge?
Aloofah.
I whale always love you.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
I built an electric fence around my property yesterday.
My neighbor is dead against it.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
My decision to become a Hindu was a missed steak
What do fruit wear when they go swimming? A one-peach bathing suit.
Did you hear about the B I V G R O Y rainbow?
The poor thing has a deviated spectrum.
Why does bread hate hot weather?
It just feels too toasty.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
Who takes care of saunas?
Humid Resources.
What kind of jokes do skeletons tell?
Humerus ones.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
If you encounter a sea monster, you better get Kraken!
Pugs and kisses.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
I bring my knees to my head and lean forwards.
That's just how I roll.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
What’s a llama’s favorite song?
Llama Chameleon.
What’s a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangs-giving.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
What was the inscription on the tomb of Frankenstein’s monster?
HERE LIES FRANKENSTEIN’S MONSTER. MAY HE REST IN PIECES.
I was talking to this guy about how I hate geometry. You know what he said to me.
You just have to look at it from a different angle.
Are sasquatches superstitious?
Yes, they always knock on wood!
What gun does a military chef use?
A salt rifle.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
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