What happens when a Mexican gets to the worm? He passes out.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend but he kept asking her for another shot.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!
Why do banana's do so well on the dating scene? Because they have Appeal!
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
What happened when a farmer crossed a chili pepper, a shovel, and a pitbull? He got a hot-diggity-dog.
Why did the banana fail his driving test? He kept peeling out.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes fully groan.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
The pint’s the limit.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
What's a lion's favorite color?
ROARange
Why should you swim in an ool instead of a pool?
Because there’s no “p” in it!
I tried to hit the picture cleanly over the fence, but it was framed.
Don't be a jerk-o-lantern
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
I bought a secured warehouse where I keep appliances to clean pots, pans, plates, and silverware.
It's dishwasher safe!
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
What did the toast say to the psychic?
You bread my mind!
Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
What do werewolf like for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room? A spoo-key.
I got fired from my job as a submarine pilot.
I just don't get it. My performance reviews always said my work was sub-standard.
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What type of knife do chefs use to connect to Bluetooth?
A pairing knife
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
They say everything gets better with age.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
How do you make sweet corn?
You whisper sweet nothings in its ear!
What’s a corn farmer’s favorite animal? The unicorn.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Whats the worst thing about manufacturing tabletops?
It's counterproductive.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
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