I was trying to reshape the border of my backyard when my neighbors' fence fell over...
Wrong post.
Every player knows pretty well that they cannot afford to go through life without goals.
What type of fish do two sodium atoms make?
2Na.
Q. Where do red, orange, yellow, green, blue and violet crayons like to go hiking?
A. Colorado.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
Why does everyone paint Easter Eggs? Because it is a lot easier than wallpapering them.
What’s a rabbit’s favorite game? Hopscotch!
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky!
Did you hear about the girl who put gorilla glue in her hair?
Her stupidity knew no bonds
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
"You're totally scrambling my brain."
What do dogs love to eat for breakfast?
woofles
Where do horses go on vacation?
Flankfurt.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
Why do Ghosts make such good company? They are full of spirit.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
Why did the bus driver take a long break? He needed a wheel-y good rest!
Great news! I'm a movie director now! I gave stellar directions to a very lovely family on their way to the theatre.
What’s a Biblical happening for nuts?
“The nut-tivity.“
What do you call a skeleton who rings the doorbell?
A dead ringer.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What are stepfathers called in France?
Faux pas.
Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
I like to tell this one joke about homemade bombs
But it always blows up in my face.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
When I told my friend an onion pun, he started crying. I asked whether they were tears of happiness?
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer?
Because his wife told him to ice it!
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
Went to buy a new microwave. Salesperson asks me "what volume are you looking for?"
And I say "nothign too loud"
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
"Stop and smell the rosé."
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
Son: does Easter Bunny set out 12 eggs in the field to search for?
Dad: no he dozen’t.
Did you hear about the guy who opened up a store where they only sell Swiss cheese?
It’s a hole business strategy.
Girls just wanna have sun!
Why do birds fly south in the fall?
Because it’s too far to walk.
Why do comedians often start their act with peanut butter jokes? They love to warm up the crown by spreading the laughter.
What do you get if you cross a pumpkin with a bigfoot?
A Sasquash.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
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