Why did you fall in love with the Paris art museum? It was just Louvre at first site.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
I tripped in France.
Eiffel over.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
I love you from my head tomato
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket
To come clean
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
What’s the perfect gift for someone who is always raisin’ the bar? Oatmeal
raisin.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
Why can you never trust an artist? Because they are a bit sketchy, a little shady and will always try to frame you.
How to tell a car it has gained weight?
‘You have got Fiat.’
The main difference between the weather and a horse is that one rains down while the other is reined up.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Why did the hen lay her egg on the axe?
She wanted to hatchet.
What makes more noise than a dinosaur ? Two dinosaurs!
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
The pint’s the limit.
I whale always love you.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
Which barnyard animal is a famous painter?
Vincent Van Goat
Silly Sally swiftly shooed seven silly sheep. The seven silly sheep Silly Sally shooed shilly-shallied south. These sheep shouldn’t sleep in a shack; sheep should sleep in a shed.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
The ocean made me salty.
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
What did the florist say when it was springtime?
Business is blooming!
If you can think of a better fish pun than me
Then let minnow.
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
What happens when Bigfoot gets lost in the fog?
He is mist!
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist? He no longer believed in himself.
The painter loved to paint because he was drawn to art.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Why did Larry the lizard leave his lover longing?
he had ... a reptile dysfunction
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Went to ask my girlfriend's father for his daughter's hand in marriage.
He replied: "Give me one good reason you'd make a good husband or even a decent father or I'm leaving!"
I thought long and hard, and eventually said: "Hi leaving I'm John!"
The wedding is next month.
Every time I see my vegetable girlfriend, my heart just beet faster.
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