When the husband of the queen gets back to his palace after climbing the mountain, the queen says "Hi, King!"
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What will you do if you come across a green alien? I’ll simply wait until it’s ripe.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
A storefront that boasts a fruit pun, just peachy.
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
I imagine eventually there will be a day when we have a WiFi hotspot on Mt. Everest.
Only then will we reach peak internet.
What's the name of the machine the ancient greeks used to calculate how best to fight hybrid monsters?
The antichimera mechanism.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
What did the doctor say to the skeleton who had a temperature of 103 degrees?
- Looks like you are running a femur.
Unfortunately, the jumper cables are getting a divorce. They just had no spark.
Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?
Because jokes are all about execution.
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
Strawberries are considered to be the most bullied fruits because they're always getting picked on.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
What do you call a skeleton with no friends?
Bonely.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
Doctor 1: what’s his body temperature?
Doctor 2: it’s 90 degrees.
Doctor 1: What?! That’s can’t be right!
Doctor 2: No, it is.
I used to live in in Aragon, in Spain.
Then I left.
I'm Aragone.
What can you find in the middle of April and March but not at the beginning or end of either?
The letter R!
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
I bought this strange novelty baking pan shaped like Camelot.
I think I'll break it in by making a castlerole.
Where does a neuron keep its money?
In a brain bank.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Why do farmers make terrible comedians?
Their jokes are corny!
I’ve always liked one-liners. That’s why I’m a fan of monorails.
I met your mother on a dating site.
I don't know, we just clicked.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.
What did the giant say to Jack when he caught him sneaking around his castle?
"Have you bean stalking me?"
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