Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
My girlfriend wants to open a yoga studio, even though she currently cannot afford it.
I told her it's a bit of a stretch.
A famous turtle is called a shell-ebrity.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
What do you get when you cross a goblin and cheese? Muenster cheese.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
My friend was totally addicted to the cold meat section in our local supermarket. It got so bad, they had to quit cold turkey.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
Which nut is the best at playing tag?
Catch-yous aka cashews.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
How is ice cream as a girlfriend?
The sweetest.
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
Beavers are the best at getting things done on riverbanks. They have their own waves of working.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
This might sound corny, but I think you’re a-maize-ing.
What do you get when you put a saxophonist in a freezer?
Cool jazz.
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
Oh buoy – we’re having a splash bash!
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
Why could the toilet paper not stop?
Because it was on a role.
Just found out they make adult race car beds so I bought one.
That way I can be fast asleep.
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
Turned down an opportunity to invest in a company making frosted glass balls. Couldn’t see any future in it.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
People often accuse me of “stealing other’s jokes” and being “a plagiarist.”
Their words, not mine.
Which films is the car’s favourite?
WiperBlade 1, 2 and Trinity.
How do yetis stay regular?
They always know wendigo.
Where did Velociraptor buy things? At a dino-store!
You're one in a melon.
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Do you beer-lieve in magic?
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
You have me greening from ear to ear.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes!
Why have a mer little when you can have a merlot?
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
What did one leaf say to the other leaf?
I’ve fallen for you.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
Did you hear about the koala bear in the church choir? Yeah, they say he sings bearitone.
Snow on and snow forth.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
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