“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
How does the sun say hi to the moon?
With a heat wave!
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
A cable TV installer walks into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
What did the priest say at the flooding river?
God, dam it!
The reason why bowling alleys are so quiet is such that you can hear a pin drop.
I always have a souper time with you.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
What do frogs do with paper?
Rip-it.
Why was the skeleton stupid?
He was a numskull.
What does a polite vampire say to its victim?
- Fang you very much.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
A never-ending natural supply of beer?
Hops springs eternal.
Their romance started by candlelight.
But it only lasted a wick.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
What did God say to the polar bears when they told him they hate spring and summer?
Well, they can't all be winters.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
Why can I not make jokes about the recent attacks in France?
Because jokes are all about execution.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What is the favourite food of the Egyptian god? It is the Ramen.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What kind of car does a mouse drive?
A mini van.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Los Angeles International Airport should sell their own brand of laxatives called LAXatives.
Did you hear about the giant who threw up?
It's all over town!
A hand mixer started a speakeasy.
It was a wisk-y business.
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"
Cherries go all out when they go to festivals. You’ll probably see loads of them, running around in pie-dyed shirts.
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
How do you know when a potato is in a bad mood? When they are acting salty
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
Why did the electrical cords break up?
There was no spark between them.
What’s the opposite of coffee?
Sneezy.
What did the fisherman say to the card magician? Take a cod, any cod.
How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
What's the difference between England and a tea bag? The tea bag stays in the cup longer.
Go to BabaMail
