Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
How do blondes define hydrophobic on their school tests? A fear of utility bills.
How does lettuce listen to music?
Headphones.
Q. What did the bully do to the orange?
A. Beat him to a pulp.
We’ve got serious chemistry.
I used to make lots of money clearing leaves from gardens. I was raking it in.
When the giant cannibals started to soak me in vinegar, I'd had enough.
"Why don't you pickle someone your own size?" I shouted.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What did the crow said when it saw a car coming? Cawr.
Plain popcorn? You can do butter than that.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?
That’s okay, he’s all-right now!
What does a couch say to another couch at the other side of the room?
We are sofa apart!
Why can't inmates read a clock? Because it's hard time.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
What do you call a Yeti Gardener?
A hairy potter.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
My father had the uncanny ability to know which way the wind blew by feeling his jugular...
`It was his weather vein.
Girlfriend was working on the motorcycle with me the other day...
She exclaimed "God! This is ridiculous. I need, like, four arms to do this!".
To which I replied "but honey, you DO have forearms!"
How do you describe an onion which is in its early stages after birth? You say it is in its onion-ic period of its life.
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
It doesn’t help that my doctor keeps making fun of my broken leg. He’s just adding insult to injury.
If a hole isn't full of water then it isn't feeling well
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
What did the scientist’s cat say? I think I’ve lost an electron, I’m pawsitive!
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
Warning! Do not look at the sun through a colander.
You'll strain your eyes.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Samson. He brought the house down.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What did the commedian say after after a bad set?
That crowd was laughtose intolerant.
As you would expect, most airline pilots make friends only in high places.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
What did the man do when he dropped his violin?
He quartet...
Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.
Why do microwaves always mess up WiFi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
My doctor told me "No more spicy food.", but I decided to have one last fennel fling.
Go to BabaMail
