Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
There's a new film out about two insects that meet in Italy.
It's Rome ants.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
Scrambled eggs are similar to a losing basketball team because both are beaten.
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
Girlfriend wants to get married...
This came as startling news, I don't want her to!
Halloween Math
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Eggs - the original boneless chicken.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What did the artist tell his greatest nemesis? I challenge you to a doodle!
"An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare."
I just dropped my phone in the bath
Now it's syncing.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
At the bar mitzvah ceremony, the Jewish onion greeted his uncle by saying 'Shallot'.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
What did the llama say when he was invited to the picnic?
Alpaca lunch.
You’re my lucky charm.
I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!" and I thought to myself...
“That’s just spam.”
What sport does a cat play? Hairball!
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
What’s a vampire’s favorite type of dog?
A blood hound.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
I’m sure my wife has been putting glue on my weapons collection.
She denies it, but I’m sticking to my guns.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
How do you measure a mosquito’s harddrive?
With bug bytes.
I would like to take a moment and thank my eyeballs.
Thanks for looking out for me.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
Don’t be a wet noodle – join us!
The success in this sport is not how you bowl, but how you roll.
A truck carrying thesauruses crashed on a motorway near my house. All the onlookers were startled, shocked, amazed, speechless and dumbfounded.
What has four legs, four eyes, and a net? Four pirates looking for a lost parrot!
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
Why does a microwave hum?
Because it doesn't know the words
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
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