What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pitbull.
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
How did the Mother Banana spoil the Baby Banana? She left him out in the sun too long.
"Hakuna Moscato. It means drink wine."
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
They don’t maintain the outhouses at our campground anymore...
They’re real sh** holes.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
France gave perfumes to countries it dominated in the past...
That was classic Colognialism.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Ann and Andy's anniversary is in April.
What do you call a girl who is standing directly in the middle of the court? Annette.
Why do cherry trees smell?
Because George Washington cut one.
I've seen a meteor shower,
but never seen a meteor take a bath.
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
I told my boyfriend I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Why was the skeleton scared of the baby?
Because he was an ankle biter.
Why did the pineapple suddenly stop the car in the middle of the highway? Because it just ran out of juice.
What do you drink if you want to freshen your breath? Mint-Tea.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?
He thought he saw a job.
Q. What do you get when you combine Blue Agave and literature?
A. Tequila Mockingbird
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
Did you hear about the man who quit his job at a bakery? They said that it left him loathe of bread.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
Me: Dad, can I turn the air-conditioner on?
Dad: did you shampoo it first?
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
The onion husband and wife had a fight, and she told him that he shouldn't have exposed all his layers because it was making her cry.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
When you finish the lemons that life gives you;
Sublime.
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
Brother: "I saw a seahorse scuba diving"
Dad: "Wow that's amazing, I didn't realise they had the technology."
How do Greek gods say sorry to one another
"I Apollo-gise"
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
A thesaurus' favorite thing to eat for breakfast is a synonym roll.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
Silent Violin for Sale
No strings attached.
Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.
Who's got a penchant for spearing? Pronger!
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
My brother just admitted that he broke my favourite lamp.
I'm not sure I'll be able look at him in the same light ever again
You might be startled to see a hamburger working out in your local gym. Don’t worry, they’re just there because they want better buns.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
Go to BabaMail
