What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
I love when you coddle me.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
If the wooden face mask was popularized by Jacques Plante, was the wooden
cup made popular by Jock Plank?
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
Where do Russians get all of their milk from? Mos-cow!
What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
What do you call a very feminine cow that likes to be in charge? The Dairy Queen.
So I went to France and bought a house made of bread
I guess you could say I'm living in pain.
We've reached the point of snow return.
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
Let me tell you about my grandfather. He was a good man, a brave man. He had the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
What kind of test do chemistry students like best?
Mole-tiple choice
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
What did the pirate call his vegetable patch?
His garrrrgh-den.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
A honey bee lands on a flower but is quickly kicked off by the spider living there. Perturbed, he flies away and lands on a different flower...
It was a cross pollination.
What's an prisoners favorite battery? Duracell Why are inmates so angry all the time? Cause they have bad cell service.
It’s allergy season again?! You’ve got to be pollen my leg.
German tourist visits France.
Guy at the Airport: "Nationality?"
German Dude: "German".
Airport Guy: "Occupation?"
German Dude: "Nein, nein, Only Vacation".
Q: Which basketball players eat fruits?
A: The ones who like to cherry pick.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
Believe in your elf.
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships don't work out.
What do aliens prefer to drink?
Gravi-tea.
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
Q. What did the bully do to the orange?
A. Beat him to a pulp.
What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
Girls just wanna have sun.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a werewolf with a fever?
A hot dog.
What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?
Cherpies, but don't worry.
It's tweetable.
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why did Dr. Frankenstein hire Igor as his assistant?
He had a hunch about him.
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Sleigh queen, sleigh.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What did the goat say when he woke up on a train?
I have no idea how I goat here.
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