How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
Why couldn’t Jonah trust the ocean?
Because he knew there was something fishy about it.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
How do horses get to another star system? They travel through intergalloptic space.
Why do witches not wear a regular hat?
Because there's no point in it.
I like you sow much.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
Knock, knock
Who’s there? CIA CIA, who? CI ate your last doughnut!
I was going to buy a new pillow....
but I decided I better sleep on it first
"Let's have some skele-fun."
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s lowest I’d go.
"About 3 mph," I said, "otherwise I’d tip over."
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.
What cheese do vampires eat?
Munster.
I love you a tot!
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
I wanted to buy a book on Albert Einstein's theories but it was on the top shelf...
It's information that's way over my head.
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
My friend is trying to persuade me to invest in his knife making business.
He made some excellent points.
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
I love you berry much.
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Bookworms take shelfies.
What do you call a group of chess players bragging about how they won in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.
I like telling fart jokes.
They are tough to hold in.
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
Who does a witch call for help with computer problems?
Hex Support!
I’m never board when I’m at the pool.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes?
Because they were too corny!
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
I heard this pun about a cheese grater the other day...
It was a grate joke.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
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