How do monkeys get down the stairs? They slide down the banana-ster!
A ship wanted to travel from the Pacific to the Arctic
But it just couldn't get its Bering Strait.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
Q. What did the Aussie zookeeper say to the gorilla who was spying on him?
A. There's no need to pry, mate.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
What do you call a sneezing big foot in Spanish?
Achoopacabra.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
Why did the monster call his werewolf “Frost”?
Because frost bites!
What is a good pick-up line an axon terminal can use on a dendrite?
"Let's connect."
What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
Chances are both will end up in the gutter.
Dad fertilized the garden with corn starch.
The plot thickens.
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What do you call mountain climbing corn?
Mountain-ears.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
What do you call a camel that looks the same from both directions?
A palindromedary!
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What cheesy dip do deer love to eat?
Fawn-due.
To begin to toboggan first buy a toboggan, but don’t buy too big a toboggan. Too big a toboggan is too big a toboggan to buy to begin to toboggan.
Why don’t Satanic boats ever sink?
Because they’re Unholy.
I think I found my perfect match
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
The chicken got sent off in the middle of the match because of their persistent fowl play.
A fly fell down out of nowhere on my wrist
It died on my watch.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
I heard someone complain about the bus being too crowded, it was a 'bus-load' of people!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball?
When it’s been sliced.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
Which fish can perform operations? A Sturgeon!
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
The sun's favorite color is ultraviolet. Apparently, it glows with everything.
Q. What does the alpha gorilla call his first wife?
A. His prime mate.
A gazillion gigantic grapes gushed
gradually giving gophers gooey guts.
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
I came across a great movie about a semi-truck with a defective refrigeration unit that had to deliver a large shipment of meat.
Unfortunately, the trailer spoiled it.
What did Tom get when he locked Jerry in the freezer? Mice cubes!
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Who was the fastest runner in the race?
Adam, because he was first in the human race.
Did you hear about the guy who's blanket fell off of him in the hospital?
He never recovered.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
What do you call an existential lycanthrope?
A whywolf.
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
There's a group of guys that assemble wooden furniture for fun.
I hope they let me join.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
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