What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
What did the fruit lover say after he met a girl?
I’ve got a date
What do bony people use to get into their homes?
A skeleton key.
Did you hear about the bear with the bad heart?
It went into kodiak arrest.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What did the nut husband tell his wife? “Nut-ing lasts forever, except my love for you!”
I like to roll peas from the top of a mountain. I always start at the peak.
Why are men like coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
Can’t take my eyes off of her brewtiful face.
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
What do you call a mouse who can pick up a horse? Sir!
You did a grape job raisin me. Happy birthday!
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
What is it called when a witch only casts spells that rhyme?
Poetry in Potion.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
What world-famous rock group has four guys that don't even sing? Mount Rushmore.
What do you do if you see a blue banana? Try to cheer it up.
Why didn’t I believe what the cheese salesman told me?
It was too gouda to be true.
What did the skydiver say in autumn? I love the fall.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
I wanted make a joke about the ocean, but it's too deep
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
People keep getting me clocks for my birthday.
Time and time again.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
Why was the burger sad? Because he had the blue cheese.
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers.
The Times are rough.
The female janitor at my office asked me if I would like to smoke some weed with her.
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women.
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
I got a job crafting toy models of the dwarves from Snow White.
The pay sucks, but I'm not lying when I tell people I make seven figures.
A wise saying among werewolves: Chasing your tail will not make ends meet.
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
The aspiring comedian has an unbe-leaf-able collection of autumn jokes, but they are all falling flat.
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes.”
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
Why does it take a while before a peach leaves a fruit basket? They have to give a goodbye peach first.
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
What do you say if you lose a game on St. Patrick's Day?
Game clover.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
When I tell you how much I love you, I'm not overreacting.
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