Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
What does a chocolate crow say? “Cacao!”
The bowl of soup you bought yesterday from the Chinese restaurant was souper terrible.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
Where do bad jokes about skeletons belong?
In the skelebin.
Don't get tide-up in sorrows, you will only cry a river.
My husband won't let the kids take toys with them when they go potty, but I do.
It is a toy-let, after all.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing? “I’m not a people porcine.”
What's a pun's favorite movie?
It's a Punderful Life!
Why do cats like computers the best?
Cuz they have a mouse.
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
my buddy’s sad after getting fired from taco bell, so being a caring friend i asked if he wanted to
taco bout it?
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
Did you hear Harry’s girlfriend left him for Keith?
Yeah, she was always telling the poor guy to Harry up, turns out she found someone who could Keith better.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Why couldn’t the cat finish watching her movie? Because she had it on paws!
What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle!
The cheap baker only paid his employees a flourly rate. Cheapskate!
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
In Italy there is a group pf moms creating soft cheese...
They brand themselves as MOMzarella.
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
In spite of all restrictions because of Covid, diplomats are allowed to travel freely across countries.
Because they have immunity.
What does a baby vampire say before going to bed?
- Turn on the dark, I’m scared of the light.
What do geologists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Q: Why did the fruit finish her homework so quickly?
A: Because the homework was a peach of cake.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What’s green and mean and stabs you when you hug it?
Cactus
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
I’m a hardcore believer in the “i before e except after c” rule
It’s science.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
Every book has some flaws and mistakes, no matter how good the editor. It’s bound to happen.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
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