Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
Why did the deer get braces?
Because he had buck teeth.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
I’m trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike but he still can’t seem to do it.
I guess it must be sprocket science.
Why couldn't the troll catch any fish?
Because other people took the bait.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What do you call a strawberry in math?
A berry-able.
I am out of chemistry jokes. I should zinc of a new one.
What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.
What kind of humor did the Founding Fathers partake in?
Dad jokes
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
I could have been an astronaut...
but my parents told me the sky was the limit.
Why did some cardinals get their feathers ruffled?
The Pope gave away the church’s nest egg to the poor.
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
What is a corn's favorite song?
Corn fields forever.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
A strawberry who is a thief is called a rob-berry
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
Where do sharks go on vacation?
Fin-land.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.
On a recent flight, my friend asked me, "If the door suddenly opens, you think we will fall out?
I said, "No, we will still be friends."
Guns don’t kill people...
Bullets, it’s bullets that kill people.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
Irish food is legen-dairy.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
When everyone agreed with Hulk at breakfast that they love waffles more, he said, "Not all heroes wear crepes."
Pugs and kisses.
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
What did the father cantaloupe say to his son?
“Watermelon! (Water-my-lawn)”
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
I bought a lamp for my friend
To brighten their day
An ig is just a snow house without a loo!
Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns?
Because they take things literally!
Many people believe liquid soap is more hygienic than soap bars.
Don't listen to them, it is only a slippery soap argument.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
I only have ice for you.
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
A tree toad loved a she-toad,
Who lived up in a tree.
He was a three-toed tree toad,
But a two-toed toad was she.
The three-toed tree toad tried to win,
The two-toed she-toad's heart,
For the three-toed tree toad loved the ground,
That the two-toed tree toad trod.
But the three-toed tree toad tried in vain.
He couldn't please her whim.
From her tree toad bower,
With her two-toed power,
The she-toad vetoed him.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
The scientist was meticulous about his strawberry pies. He rounded up the protein content of his pie at 3.14.
If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
Go to BabaMail
