"Some bunny needs vodka."
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
What do you call a divorce but for bananas?
Banana split!
What do you call a party for snowmen? A snowball.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What happens when you turn on a computer?
You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
What do you call a pickle lullaby?
A cucumber slumber number.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
A cow not being on the grill for very long is a rare occurrence.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
What is the most affordable type of meat? Deer, it is always under a buck a pound.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
Why did the coffee bean keep checking his watch? Because he was pressed for time.
How did the blond define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? Fear of utility bills.
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
What did bacon say to tomato? Lettuce get together.
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
"Eggs love you."
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash.
People often stare at my back-alley cosmetic surgery to remove half of my brain...
I have half a mind to tell them where to go.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why did the freezer run away on its marriage?
It got cold feet
You really gotta hand it to short people, because they can't reach it on their own.
How do you know when a cheese is full of himself?
Whatever you say, he’ll say he is feta.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
A prisoner was released from jail, he shouted "Yay I'm free I'm free!" A little boy yelled "So what I'm 4 I'm 4!"
Linda-Lou Lambert Loves Lemon Lollipop Lipgloss.
What is a con artist's truck towed with?
A pickup line
Why don’t clams give to charity?
Because they’re shellfish!
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
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