I told my wife I wanted to name our son Lance, but she said it was too uncommon so I explained that in medieval times men where named Lance a lot.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
Prince Charles is selling his towel.
If anybody wants a heir dryer...
What falls in the winter but never gets hurt?
Snow.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Q: What do you get when you walk around with cherries in your shoes?
A: Toe jam.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
Up to snow good.
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
How are a volleyball player and a carpenter similar? They both love to hammer spikes.
Hot dog, I love a good meat pun.
What happened to the cherry that got married to an apple? They are living apple-y ever after.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What do Ghosts suffer from? Saturday fright fever.
Five frantic frogs fled from fifty fierce fishes.
I tried to tell my favourite joke about trains, but it got derailed.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
I never get tide down to one place when there's so much to sea.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
My friend is always trying to make cows nervous. She's a fan of milkshakes.
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
Who directs all of the movies about volleyball injuries? Spike Lee.
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
Feeling cold? Go stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
What do you call a dude who really likes autumn?
A fall guy!
Love at frost sight!
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
I know tons of dad jokes! Here’s one
1.
How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm? it has a blue light.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein!
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
Couple of friends have decided to put theatre style seats in their house. It will end in tiers.
I invited a turkey over for dinner. He was very late for dinner – when I asked him about it, he said he was busy getting dressed.
What do you call it when you brush off the winter snow for the last time?
A spring fling!
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
What is the fastest fish in the water? A motopike
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
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