In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
What kind of TV does a skeleton watch?
A skelevision.
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.
For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.
Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases stealing each other's methods, committing plague-iarism.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What's the best way to avoid eating too many Thanksgiving leftovers? Quit cold turkey.
Shave a single shingle thin.
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
I'm acorn-y person.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
My little brother had to stay with our parents when we went to Italy. I was free to Rome.
The snowman's favorite side dish is iceberg salad.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Sips getting real.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What do we call a chicken inside a hot tub? – It is called soup.
What type of music is scary for birthday balloons? Pop music!
Drink happy thoughts.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What do you call bacon with salt on it?
Salt and Peppa.
You must be copper and terillium because you are Cu-Te
I once knew a priest that only ate microwave soup.
He was a Ramen Catholic.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
What is a ghost's favorite place to work?
Ghoul-gle.
I can heartly wait to see you again.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
When you cross an orange and a bunny, you will end up with a pip squeak.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Why did the skeletons form a rock band?
They wanted to “Rattle them bones”!
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
I just beat my friend in a Wild West themed art race!
I was quicker to the draw.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
I hate to Gauguin, but I have to catch my flight.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
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