What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Why did Eve want to leave the garden of Eden and move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple !
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.
They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Rory’s lawn rake rarely rakes really right.
What do you call a cold crocodile in winter? A refrigerator.
What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hareline
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
After watching me read “War and Peace”, my son asked me, “Dad, why is the book so thick?”
Me: Well, it’s a long story.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s sea salt.
My daughter want's the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she will get one as long as she has good grades, does her chores, and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone, because.
It's my way or the Huawei.
The soup that she cooks is so thick that the kitchen would go around when she stirs it.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I'm homeless.
What do you call a murder where the perp runs away on a bicycle?
A drive bike shooting
What will a space turkey say to another one? Hubble Hubble.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age!
What type of apartment does a pun live in?
The pun-thouse!
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
Q: How do two cherries make up after an argument?
A: They cherry the hatchet.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
I asked the staff at my local garden center what to grow in my garden. They gave me some sage advice.
What do you call two peas in a pod?
Peepee
I Renamed my iPod The Titanic, so when I plug it in, it says “The Titanic is syncing.”
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What do fish and women have in common? They both stop shaking their tale after you catch them!
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
What did the toaster say to the criminal bread?
"I'm taking you into crustody"
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
What do you call an onion who decides to be very eco-friendly in its approach? You name it a green onion.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
I decided to switch to a knife to preserve my ammo.
The guys at Laser Tag started freaking out though.
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