What is a lions favourite cheese? Roar-quefort
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant.
I lub dub you with all my heart.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
How are a car and a bicycle similar?
“You can’t make watermelon juice out of either of them.”
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,
I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day.
A man called his twin brother from prison
“Hey remember when we were kids and use to finish each other’s sentences?”
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
My Japanese dentist became a woman.
He’s a trans zen dentalist.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
What does a runner lose after winning the race?
His breath.
I'm good at manicures but bad at languages.
Although I think I would nail Polish.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Does anybody remember the joke I posted about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
The wolf really needed to talk with the skeleton because he had a bone to pick with him.
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
Thank you for making our relationship sweet rather than a rocky road.
What do you call an onion who wants to go on romantic dates in Paris? A French onion.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
What do you call Mary J Blige’s accommodating Irish cousin?
Mary O’Blige.
If I ever get drafted into the Navy, and they make me choose what boat to get on.
I would just say frig it.
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
What do murderers drink? Cruel-tea.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
Q. What happens when a gorilla has a melt down?
A. He goes absolutely bananas!
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
Which Bible Character is a locksmith?
Zaccheus.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
My wife said she saved $5 by not taking a bus and walking home
I said, you could've saved a $20 by not taking a cab instead
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
I came home and found my wife naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast.
She said she was a t-cup.
Mother Superior had to crack down on sisters wearing perfume in the convent.
She said she would not tolerate such nun scents.
Flight attendants fly with a very meaningful motto: always look on the flight side of life.
A friend has joined a blonds only theatre group. Fair play to him.
Did you hear the story of the little ghoul that grew up?
It became a headhunter!
“Dad, why do you always wrap my birthday gifts in this weird fabric?”
Dad: I just wanted to.... make my presents felt.
Do you be-leaf in magic?
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