Warning! Do not look at the sun through a colander.
You'll strain your eyes.
Why did the orange help the old lady cross the road?
To do a random act of rindness.
A wind turbine saw a solar panel at an energy convention. He leaned in and shouted, Hey, I’m a big fan!”
Why don't turkeys like math?
Because when they added three to five...
They got Ate.
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What do you get when you cross a turkey with a centipede?
Enough drumstics for a month.
My wife said she'll leave me if I don't stop the laundry punsץ
So from today I'm detergent to be better.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
When I was in school I got a B in biology, a C in chemistry.
And an F in Physics.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
Dogs can't see your bones.
But catscan.
Singing Sammy sung songs on sinking sand.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
When the cow forget how to give milk, she was udderly confused.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what does a banana make ? Slippers
Shell-abrate the good times!
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?
Divorced.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
Why can’t a tile walk very well?
He has square feet.
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
Enrique Doubleglazius.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
My son was injected with poisoned blood from a person from Finland
He said "I am finnished."
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, what do you get?
Arrested.
Today I be-leaf in leprechauns
Whatever you do this summer, be sure to make a splash.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
If an astronaut steps on chewing gum then what will happen to him? He will simply be stuck on the Orbit.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.
Now it has no friends.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
Why do thieves have a hard time understanding puns?
Because they take things literally!
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Did you hear about the Irishman that drank 100 liters of stout in just 30 minutes?
They’re calling it a Guinness World Record.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
What do you call someone who's obsessed with Christmas? Santa-mental.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
You’ll be Dublin your fortune soon.
Whale, hello there.
Honey! I know this can be a bit cheesy, but you will always have a big pizza my heart.
Why do teenagers travel in groups of 3 or 5?
Because they can’t even.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
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