The group of beavers loved the river because it has a really bubbly personality.
The painter loved to paint because he was drawn to art.
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine's Day
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
What drink brings you down to earth? Gravi-Tea.
What do squirrels watch on TV?
Nut-flix.
Q: What did the sign for the party for beavers say?
A: Beaver or be square.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Two ghosts were at a disco. One was having a fa-boo-lous time and the other wanted to boo-gie all night long!
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
The guilty conscience of stealing and consuming a whole peach is getting to me. I feel like there's a pit in my gut.
Why was the cheese happy in the kitchen?
He thought he was grater than everyone else.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What painting is terrible at ever being happy? The Moaning Lisa.
My father was a blind carpenter
until he picked up his hammer and saw.
These aren't your mom's puns, these are your sisters puns. Tam-puns
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite rap artist?
Feta wap.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
My friend Elmer’s has gotten really good at tennis ever since he stuck to a healthier diet and went glue-ten free.
How did the headless chicken cross the road?
In a KFC bucket.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
Avoid pier pressure.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why did the Green Giant lay down in the field?
So he could Rest in Peas.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
“You’re my soul Santa.”
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
What do you get if you cross a Triceratops with a kangaroo ? A Tricera-hops!
What do you call a male orange?
Mangerine!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
Why aren’t skeletons good at poker?
You can see right through them.
Why did the bank have the squirrel arrested?
He was foraging checks.
Thirty-three thirsty, thundering thoroughbreds thumped Mr. Thurber on Thursday.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
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