Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Sips getting real.
Who never minds being interrupted in the middle of a sentence? A convict.
What are sophisticated realtors known for?
Constantly telling you all about proper tea.
Why wouldn’t the Moon come to the Sun’s funeral?
It isn’t a mourning person
I fence-y you.
What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
What’s the difference between Spring Break and Summer Break?
Jumping on the bed won’t make a Summer Break.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
BREAKING NEWS: Vietnam accidentally sank its own submarine killing all 350 on board
Whoops, wrong sub.
I feel tail great!
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Somehow they knew I wanted champagne. It was chilling.
What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
What does an ice cream lawyer say?
You got served.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
Choreographers are always hard to get in touch with because they are always blocking you.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Why did the vegetarian stop running cross country?
He did not like the meets.
Why did the donut go to the dentist? It needed a filling!"
My realtor sold me a two-story house.
One story before the offer, another story after the offer.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
Don’t come to France without any Monet.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
How did the skeleton baker make bread?
He Knee-d it.
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What do you call a Monkey with a bomb
A baboom.
What did the artist ask the preschooler? Can you count to pen?
Have you ever seen a catfish? No, how did he hold the rod and reel?
The green light at the road signal looked at the red light and said, "Don't look while I am changing".
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
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