The skeleton ordered a cabernet wine with a full body because he didn't have one.
From my head tomatoes, I love you bunches.
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
A man with spine cancer walks up to his friend
His friend notices that the man is holding his back while walking up to him
His friend asks "What's wrong?".
The man says "My back is killing me".
That look soots you.
What did the vicar use for his vegetable patch?
Lettuce spray.
What is a chillin' banana's favorite song?
Mellow Yellow!
Water you doing?
Why was the neuron sent to the principal's office?
It had trouble controlling its impulses.
Why do prisoners have PTSD? Cell Shock.
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
Why did the daddy peach teach the child peach to shave? He was starting to grow peach fuzz.
What do you call a truck towing a smaller truck?
A mother trucker
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
Today I learned that Both Charles Darwin and Albert Einstein married their first cousins.
For both, it’s all relative.
"You had me at merlot."
We pass expectations, set the standards and kill the competition. This is definitely one of the best volleyball puns to use as your team’s motto.
Wanna hear a pun about gold? AU!
If you're Russian when you go to the bathroom, and you're Finnish when you come out of it, what are you when you're inside?
European!
When is it appropriate to sleep in a bathtub?
When you're feeling drained.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
There is no cure.
What did Avogadro teach his students in math class?
Mole-tiplication
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Mary didn’t miss a first serve the entire match. It was not her fault she lost.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
“Bah-Hum-Pug.”
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
Where do ski instructors keep their money?
In the local snow bank.
The computer had to visit the dentist at the very earliest opportunity as it had a BlueTooth!
What kind of chips do you eat in the bath?
Shower cream and onion.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
My wife started a tropical diet
There’s so much stuff in the house it’s enough to make a mango crazy.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
You sleigh me.
Pardon me if I’m being pool-itically incorrect.
Why are volleyball players always so blameless? They always pass the blame and try to avoid faults.
One day, I carried my laptop to the zoo because I wanted a RAM upgrade so I would have lots of memory when I came back.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
One of my mother's friends asked if she could be a surrogate
I guess she was just looking for a womb for rent.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
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