What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
What do you say when your dad wears a speedo to the pool?
Spee-don’t!
Why are popsicles so snobby?
They have a stick up their butt.
What kind of potato do you want to take home to your parents? A sweet potato.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
Where do the astronauts park their vehicles? At the parking meteors.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
That rainbow is so neat, it must be professional gradient.
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
Where do gorillas go to after work?
The monkey bars.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it was mugged.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
Just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time… I was shocked.”
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
Why did the realtor buy his home right beside a porta-potty?
Because it was a leakfront property!
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Why does North Korea excel at drawing straight lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B!
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Brisk brave brigadiers brandished broad bright blades, blunderbusses, and bludgeons—balancing them badly.
What's the definition of a gentleman? One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
Where does a thrifty Frankenstein get his limbs?
At the second-hand store.
What did the salt shaker say to the graint of salt? Why you INSALT MEEE.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing
How can you tell your dad joke is a dad joke?
It’s fully groan.
Organ donors really put their heart into it.
Cooking a Hawaiian pizza and don't want to burn it?
Be sure to cook it at aloha temperature.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What do you call a dollar bill frozen in ice?
Cold, hard cash!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What is the cutest car?
A BM-cuddle-U
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
What happens after you eat an entire gallon of "All Natural" ice cream? You get Breyer's remorse!
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Did you expect to laugh at puns?
No, but they've groan on me!
I tried driving a truck with a trailer that was attached without using the proper equipment.
It went off without a hitch.
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