How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I go around this chairlift again?
Pete's pa pete poked to the pea patch to pick a peck of peas for the poor pink pig in the pine hole pig-pen.
How do Yetis tell the time?
With a sasq-watch.
Why do skeletons hate the cold?
It sends chills up their spine.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
The moon landing is obviously fake.
The moon is clearly still up there.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because all of the cows have horns
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
You can forget about winning, princess. Because even Cinderella can’t get to this ball.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What did fog do to make the captain angry? He mist the boat.
Luke Luck likes lakes.
Luke's duck likes lakes.
Luke Luck licks lakes.
Luck's duck licks lakes.
Duck takes licks in lakes Luke Luck likes.
Luke Luck takes licks in lakes duck likes.
Why do oranges wear suntan lotion? They peel in the sun.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap
He was high on my list of priorities.
"I would hop to the end of the world for you."
How many brothers do robots have?
None. They only have transistors.
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
No one understands me when i say I like to paint peas in a cage.
I don’t what is so hard about it. I’m a trapped peas artist.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
Where do penguins keep their money?
In a snow bank!
I hate spring cleaning.
Darn things bounce all over the place.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
How do planets staying busy during hunting season?
By shooting stars.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I'm not too fond of not finishing my entire bowl of cereal. I think I have irritable bowl syndrome.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
Never marry an archaeologist!
They're always digging up the past.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
A scarecrow's favorite fruit to eat is straw-berry.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
The cow intestine dish was offal, but the pig organ tacos was grocer!
Did you see that movie about King Kong, the giant ape?
The plot was pretty bananas.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
I don't know where I put my queen after the last chess game.
Maybe she's lost I need to check.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Go to BabaMail
