Did you hear that the list of famous vampires had a startling omission?
They forgot to Count Dracula!
What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
What did Papa cabinet advise to his Son cabinet before his first date?
"Just be youshelf"
What is Jack Frost’s favourite mode of transport?
A Tr-Ice-cycle
What was Valentine’s favorite dessert for the French cat?
Chocolate mousse
What's the best way to talk to a Tyrannosaur ? Long distance!
What spread do astronauts use on their toast?
. . . Space jam
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
What do you call a fake bone?
A faux-knee.
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
I knew a vampire who was trying to become an actor. He gave it his best shot, but ended up retraining. He just couldn't find a role he could sink his teeth into.
Campground bathrooms are always behind the times.
They're all past tents.
The only gift I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I’m having a hard time dealing with it.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
Where do crows try their luck?
Ma-cau
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
Q. Which Louisville race exclusively features buck and stag contestants?
A. The Kentucky Deer-by.
I scream, you scream, we all scream for icecream!
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
A boy lines up to get some apple juice and a girl lines up to get some orange juice
This would be funny but there’s no punchline.
What did Neil Armstrong say when people didn't laugh at his moon jokes?
"I guess you had to be there."
How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
Why were the two retinas such good friends?
They always saw eye-to-eye.
What do rodents say when they play bingo? 'Eyes down for a full mouse'!
Did you hear about the skeleton that was almost picked apart by a group of wild dogs?
He marrowly escaped.
What’s a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
I have a pogo stick made out of vegetables. It’s a spring onion.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
In some way, being a bowl of soup is like being a man. You are only blown when you are hot!
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
Are you talking about your aunt on your mom's side, or...
Deodorant?
You hear about the werewolf who majored in philosophy?
Now he's a whywolf
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
On Halloween night a group of crows decided to enact a scene from the play Julius Ceaser, they were enacting the caw-nspiracy scene.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
You don’t need to pay rent to live inside my heart.
Go to BabaMail
