Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
What kind of keys do kids like to carry? Cookies!
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
According to a geologist, why is the world so diverse? Because it's made up of alkynes of people.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head because it's capsized.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
When does it start to rain money?
When there is change in the weather.
A tuning fork is, essentially, a pitch fork.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What do you call corn that joins the army?
Kernel.
Did you hear about the Irish potato that immigrated?
He became a French fry.
What's it called when a perfume climbs up the stairs?
Ascent.
I didn’t have a map of the corn maze, so I had to play it by ear.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
I tried giving my cat a bath and it sucked...
I couldn't get the fur off my tongue for a week.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
Long ago, a couple of dudes claimed that human flight was possible.
They were Wright.
Will glass coffins ever become popular?
This remains to be seen.
If you're wondering if someone's become a vampire, there's an easy way to tell. A true vampire is always coffin.
From one vegan to another – I think you’re fern-tastic, and I’ll never leaf you baby.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
Did you hear what happened to the cheese after its breakup?
It got provolonely.
What’s an apple’s favorite restaurant? Applebee’s.
Which letters stand in line to the public restroom?
What do you call a bathroom line?
A P,Q.
I like my matches like my tennis balls: Pressureless.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
How long have I loved you? I’ve lost track.
How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out?
He mustard up the courage.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
Why was the koala scientist so well-respected by his peers? He was known for conducting excellent koalatative research.
During the summer break, I enrolled myself in a peach coding course.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
How do you make a panda?
Punch a polar bear in the eyes.
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
What kind of fruit salad is most resistant to sunburn?
The kind with extra melon in.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
If an astronaut steps on chewing gum then what will happen to him? He will simply be stuck on the Orbit.
What do you say when you are happy with how life has been weeks before Easter? It’s so far been an egg-cellent spring.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
I do not like lotion at all.
It really gets under my skin.
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
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