Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
I used to get heartburn when I ate birthday cake until a doctor advised me to take the candles off first.
What do Chinese bears wear over their faces when they’re robbing banks?
Pandanas!
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
Why can't you trust zebras?
Because they're convicted horse felons.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
My sister wanted to marry the postman
but our parents didn't letter.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
My milk found all these jokes to be pretty fun. He said they were a-moo-sing!
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
Did you hear about the cheese shop that was destroyed by a tornado?
All that’s left is da brie.
Why are geologists never hungry?
They lost their apatite.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
Who is the best kung fu vegetable?
Brocc lee.
Reading whilst sunbathing? You must be well-red!
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
I bought a larger sink with a built in subwoofer.
My current one doesn't have enough basin.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
A stamp
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
A cup of coffee is the ideal start to a brew-tiful morning!
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
What do you get when you cross a strict school teacher with a vampire?
Lots of blood tests.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog.
What's the difference between a strawberry and a Tyrannosaurus? The strawberry is red!
What does Bigfoot say when he sees campers in sleeping bags?
- Yum, Hot Pockets!
What do you call the greatest cheese to every live on the earth? Legen-dairy!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
Why was the artist in an argument? She wanted to have the final clay.
Which is the Richest Cheese in the world? Paris Stilton.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat? A dirty kid.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
In Greek Mythology, Chiron was not only half man and half horse, he was also a doctor of medicine
That made him the centaur for disease control.
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
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