A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a leaf blower? A hare dryer!
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? You're gonna choke alot.
Join us for plenty of play action.
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
"Thanks a brunch for the meal!", said the punny man when he sat to eat.
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
The sun is just a big space heater.
Why didn’t the Romans find algebra very challenging?
Because they always knew X was 10.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
I'd hate to be the bearer of bad blues.
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
What do you call an owl who knows how to do magic tricks?
Hoodini.
I just finished the Mona Lisa made from vegetables. It's a masterpeas.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
I had one nutty nightmare last night, it gave me a kola sweat.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I’ll never fir-get.
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
One bonsai tree grower was so successful he moved into a miniature house.
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
Cutting my arms was the best descision I've ever made
Hands down.
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
How do you tell which is the Groom at a Polish wedding?
He's the one with the CLEAN bowling shirt
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Which religious figure does dairy products worship? Cheese-us!
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
Q. How do does and fawns fly from place to place?
A. In a deer-igible
You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on top of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it doesn't, buoyant.
Did you hear the one about the pianist convention?
They had a few keynote speakers
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
What do you call it when you spill your drink all over a piano?
Rag time.
In exactly 3030 years, there's a chance things could be really good, and theres a chance things could be really bad.
I guess it will be 5050.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
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