Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
Mike Tyson bought a yacht and immediately wrecked it.
Who woulda thunk it?
Q. What do you get when a swine artist mixes two colors together?
A. Pigment.
Why do all kids want to be an astronaut?
Because there is no pressure.
Ah! The element of surprise.
Why did the detectives suddenly appear at the concert at the beach?
Something fishy was going on.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
Dublin over in laughter.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
I bought a really small cow last week. I really wanted to try condensed milk.
Why do ghouls like ice cream?
Because it’s ghoulilicous!
Make your own decisions this summer, don’t give in to pier pressure.
A strawberry screamed at the other, "Were it not that ripe, we wouldn't have ended up in this jam."
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
I used to hate tennis, but ever since I’ve started winning 6-0, I love it now.
After suffering weak gain at the poles, the National Transistor Party has been trying to energize their base.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
How do you throw a space party? You planet.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
He planted a light bulb and thought he'd get a power plant.
A chicken goes into a library. He stands at the librarian's desk and says, "Buk," so she gives him a book. A couple of minutes later, the chicken returns. "Buk," he says, and she hands him another book. This goes on and on.
Finally, it is the librarian's break time. She goes out back to get some fresh air by the pond. That is when she sees the chicken and a frog on a lilypad. "Buk," says the chicken as he tosses a book to the frog. "Reddit," replies the frog...
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
What did one orange say to its friend telling a wild story?
“That’s un-peel-ievalbe!”
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
I went to my backyard and saw a bird of prey eating avocado toast.
It was a millennial falcon.
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?
Saturn Uranus.
Why does a cow hate artificial milk? Because the substance is pow-dairy.
In the paintball game, I shot a guy thrice. He dyed on impact.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
I was surprised at the number of onions needed for this dish- it calls for shallot of onions.
What’s the longest word in the dictionary? Smiles because there’s a mile between each s.
A mosquito asks for a date: "I'd like to take you out to suck blood on someones leg"
She says "I don't know, I feel like I'm going out on a limb here."
Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist’s arm?
A tattoo.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Someone took my three-legged chair.
I guess it was stoolen
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
My partner was always criticising my sense of direction... So I packed up and right!
If you can't get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries.
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
The best armor for sneaking is leather armor.
Because it's made of hide.
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