Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I go around this chairlift again?
One-one was a race horse.
Two-two was one too.
One-one won one race.
Two-two won one too.
Where do Yetis go to dance?
To a snow ball.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
Musicians?
Oh yeah, we think outside the Bach’s.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Dear Turkey, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, all women.
My wife hates my collection of old snake skins.
So I have to keep them in the shed.
Q. What's a computer geek's favourite snack?
A. Microchips.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What kind of pasta do skeletons enjoy eating the most?
Elbow macaroni.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
Why did the teapot get in trouble? Because he was Naught-Tea.
Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
Why didn’t Handel go shopping?
Because he was Baroque.
The real reason humans have wrinkly brains?
We've been in the gene pool too long.
What happens when you make love on a couch?
It becomes a sectional.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
It’s time to say Versailles to France.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Who is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie actor? Rabbit De Niro!
Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?
In case she needed to draw blood.
I was asked who my favorite vampire was. I said it was the Muppet from Sesame Street.
They said, he doesn't count!
I replied, "I can assure you, he does!"
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
How do you type the word "Royalty" on a keyboard?
You start with the higher R key.
Apples are red. Grapes are blue. Pineapples are sweet. And so are you.
What kind of music do sophisticated kangaroos listen to?
Hopera.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
What do you call it when a pillow hits its head?
A concushion.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
Rhys watched Ross switch his Irish wristwatch for a Swiss wristwatch.
Why can’t people hear your scream in the space? Because it’s miles away.
What do you call a carnival worker who’s eating a turkey leg?
A carnie-vor.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
What is a wolf’s favorite time of the year?
The howl-o-days.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
Why did the pig become an actress? Because she was a real ham!
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
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