Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
Why did the pig want a divorce?
Her husband was a boar.
When a planet dies, does it get an orbituary?
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
I call the shots.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
Why did the skeleton have a broken heart?
His Boney lay over the ocean.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
Car puns are really tiring
Djokovic to his friends the morning after winning the U.S. Open: Is anyone hungry for some Denny’s? Because I would like another Grand Slam.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
My buddy asked me "if you could kill anyone in history, who would it be?"
I said I probably wouldn't kill anyone in history, but Pete in math is bloody annoying sometimes.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
I bought my daughter into a radio...
She's not very e-static about it.
You’re the tater to my tot. I miss you a lot!
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
“Is this the Spanish word for ‘nap’?” She asked, pointing to a word on the page.
“Si, está.”
What is a profession involving spine realignment in Egypt?
A Cairo-practor.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Why did the man bring a gun to the clock factory?
To kill some time.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
Where do ghosts go trick or treating? Dead ends.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?
Because they are well organized.
Moisturiser is good for your skin...
Let that sink in.
The hiker hated the top of the mountain because it was all downhill from there!
An artist painted a wonderful fruit painting. It was a beautiful peach of work.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What did the upright bass say to the nervous guitar?
“You’re too high strung, don’t fret.”
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
One day, I looked to my spine and said
Thanks for all the support! Thanks to you we've grown to new heights.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
There’s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, “Why does earth fall down like that?”
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
How does one raindrop ask another out? Water you doing tonight?
What do you call a meal from the moon?
A satellite dish.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
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