In Mexico, truck drivers always keep a wheel of cheese in their cabs. Apparently this is in queso emergencies.
I really wish my five-year-old son would make up his mind! First, he said he wanted a treehouse in the backyard, but now, he says he doesn't need it…
Took me twenty years to grow that thing!
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home.
I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
My son asked me, what’s a Greek urn?
I said, “about 20 drachmas a day.”
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
I want to tell you an excellent ice pun, but the problem is that it’s just slipped my mind.
Two tiny timid toads trying to trot to Tarrytown.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
What kind of pizza do you order on Christmas?
Cheeses Crust.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
I went to Spain to attend the Running of the Bulls, but when I arrived, there was nothing there but cows with fake horns attached.
I was in shambles.
A wolfswagon rabbit is by far the best car you can gift a wolf.
What is a cow’s favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
I dressed up as bacon for halloween.
To say the least, i was looking pretty CRISP.
Why did the worm leave the Apple?
Because Noah said to travel in pairs
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
Why do vampires eat lentils?
Because they are so into pulses.
Seas the day!
What does a cherry say when it delivers bad news? Don't fruit the messenger.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
How did the mother know her child would become a neuroanatomist?
He was constantly staining stuff.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
I cut a dill with this spicy mami, but at the last minute she ginger mind.
My neighbour didn't like it when I told him off about hoarding toilet paper
To be honest, I think he was being very anal about it.
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
How does an elf get to Santa's workshop? By icicle.
Rhys watched Ross switch his Irish wristwatch for a Swiss wristwatch.
I had to borrow my friend’s trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
Q: Why did the purple family have to move out?
A: They were plum too loud, excessively violet with one another, and were fuschiatives of the law.
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
How many French eggs do you need?
One egg is un oeuf.
“You’re my soul Santa.”
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
What do you do if you spill maple syrup all over your keyboard?
Just turn off sticky keys.
Go to BabaMail
