Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
All things must grass.
Why was the potato fired from his job at the football stadium?
He was a horrible commentater.
So engineering school is really hard.
I'm not doing so hot in thermodynamics.
Eating no meat except fish is really bothersome.
I should stop being a Pesky-tarian.
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin' Terry.
What did the burger meat say to the BBQ? “Is it meat you’re looking for?”
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
What’s the difference between Spring Break and Summer Break?
Jumping on the bed won’t make a Summer Break.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Doctor Doctor I've broken my arm in four places.
Docter: Well stop going to those 4 places then!
I stole some kitchen appliances from my mate...
It was dangerous but worth the whisk.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Why is learning to ski in France so difficult?
'Cause sometimes they won't Alp you.
What do bandages like to put on their salad?
A wound dressing.
Fir sure.
There was a flamingo in our garden for such a long time, we started calling it a flaminstay.
What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
Where did the Flopper work in the offseason? At Dominik's Hat-Check.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
"That was a howling adventure!" said the werewolf to the zombie.
A photon turns up at check-in for a flight with no baggage. The check-in agent says "Traveling light?". He says "Yes, I am".
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
Why was the square dance fiddler arrested for smuggling?
Because of his contra band...
What do you call the Greek God of Mexican chickens?
Apollo
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
Q. Where are deceased deer laid to rest?
A. In a moose-oleum.
What is a polar bear’s favorite food?
Iceberg lettuce and snow peas.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
Why did the elephant ask to borrow a suitcase?
Because he only had a little trunk.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Did you hear about the journalist who became a sterling silver spoon salesman?
He finally found the scoop he was looking for.
My boss has just fired me for making too many Asian jokes.
Oh well!! That's the end of my Korea.
What did the Austrian skier yell when he sprained his ankle?
“Alp!”
Basketball players manage to remain cool even during tough matches because they stay closer to the fans.
If volleyball were easy, they would call it football.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
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