What did the paprika tell the salt around Christmas?
Seasonings greetings.
Which bus went from Spain to America?
Columbus
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
It is a bad film because good ones tend to have created atop day-old soup.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
Can I go to France this year? Of Corsican!
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
I told my friend that our old school friend is coming to attend St Patrick's feast. She was surprised. She asked, "O'Reilly?"
What do elephants call their mother's sister?
Eleph-aunt.
I took my friends watch that had an LED flashlight on it.
Now it's my time to shine.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
I have a beer snob friend with Photophobia. He hates natural light.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you won’t be headed to the ICU.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
What's the difference between a head of lettuce and a unicorn?
One is a funny beast, and the other is a bunny feast!
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
We’ll need protracturtle in our next lesson since the topic will be angles.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.
I mean, the arguments for it aren’t exactly well rounded.
What did the ghost buy at the bar? Boos!
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
What do you call a person who starts their own cow poop business?
An entre-manure.
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
Why did the dolphin end its own life?
It was missing a porpoise.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
What’s a potatoes favorite horror movie? The Silence of the Yams.
No matter what shampoo I use, I can’t seem to get rid of my dandruff.
It’s a real head scratcher.
Why did the giant ape climb up the side of the skyscraper?
Because the elevator was broken.
Why didnt the moon have any more to eat.
Becuase it was full
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
What has four legs and one arm?
A rottweiler at a park.
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
I heard a heart wrenching story recently.
A car mechanic became a cardiac surgeon.
The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
"You're the wine that I want."
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