My chickens escaped and over my yard...
I wasn't expecting the coop d'etat.
Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
Why couldn't the father afford to take his kids to classical music concerts?
Because he was Baroque
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What did the pickle say to the lemon?
I relish our time together
When you come across oranges wearing suntan lotion, don’t judge them harshly. They do so in order not to peel.
What was the most common game played by Greek Gods?
Hydra and seek.
I once had my identity stolen by a cement truck driver. It took me ages to track him down, but now I have concrete evidence.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What do you call a potato that smokes weed? A baked potato.
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
Pad kid poured curd pulled cod.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
My Asian neighbor owns a T-shirt company where he colors white shirts. I think it's a Thai Dye T-shirt company.
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
It's just like regular tennis but without the racket.
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
I stole two sofas from death, but I wasn’t ready for the reaper cushions.
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
Me: I have an appointment to see the doctor.
Nurse: which doctor?
Me: No, just the regular one
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
From up here, I Cannes see the whole French Riviera!
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
What do you call two rabbits racing down the road? The fast and the furriest.
Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?
His name was Only One Cannoli.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What do you call a group of lions partying on ships in Gibraltar?
A strait pride parade.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
We’ve got serious chemistry.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
Ran out of toilet paper today. We’re now using lettuce leaves.
Today was just the tip of the iceberg. Tomorrow romaines to be seen.
Why did the action potential cross the optic chiasm?
To get to the other side.
Go to BabaMail
