What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
Which search engine is popular amongst mice? Ask Cheese.
I saw a joke about chocolate bars but it wasn’t that funny So I just snickered.
What's a woman and a tea bag got in common?
You don't know strong they are till you put them in hot water.
Treat yo shelves.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Not all math puns are bad.
Just sum.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
How do the crows in Texas greet each other?
Yee-caw
There’s a lot of debate over where the best place to punch a shark is.
Personally, I think it’s the sea.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
I hear Jake finally broke up with his crazy grocer girlfriend; never could tell water problem was.
Unbelievably there was yet another truck crash, this time it was carrying Vicks VapoRub. There was no congestion for the rest of the day.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B?
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
What do you call an elderly Spanish man?
A senõr citizen.
When soup feels strained and stressed, where would it go? – A broth-el!
Beer-lieve it or not!
The other day I told a joke about an armored vehicle with a rotating gun turret.
It tanked.
Wedding cake tastes just like Birthday cake
It just takes more commitment.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
What do we call an airplane that cannot take off? It is called an error plane.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
What's a nervous person's favorite drink?
Insecuri tea!
Why was the computer sad?
It was going un-node-iced.
One day, tamarind, curry and ice were crossing the road. All of a sudden they heard a gunshot. Then, tamabrind ball, curry duck and ice-cream!
You’re my lucky charm.
What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
If you don't use a bidet...
You're doing a half-a*sed job.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
Shave a single shingle thin.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Don't worry, bee happy!
Our local butcher had to go to the doctor the other day. He didn’t know what was wrong, but said that he was feeling offal.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
Egg puns are the most egg-citing.
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
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