When does a leprechaun cross the road?
Just like everyone - when it's green!
What do you call a bodybuilder skeleton?
A musculoskeleton.
Q: Why do windmills love loud, heavy rock music?
A: They’re metal fans.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
What kind of cheese do alcoholics eat?
Livarot.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears? Anything you want, it can't hear you!
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
What is it called when two spies hug?
A bond-ing moment.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
What do you think of puns about deer?
“I’m very fawn’d of them myself.”
Subway - Lettuce know how we did.
Forget about watermelons, I heard having a windmelon your property is the best way to get clean and renewable electricity.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
A piece of cheese sees his cheese friend looking a little disheveled. “Are you OK?” he asks.
“I’ve felt grater”, his friend coughed.
What came first, the alligator or the crocodile?
The dinosaur.
"Come follow me and I will make you a Fischer of men."
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas
The police verdict? Hummuscide.
I told you snow.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
Oxygen went on a date with potassium last night.
It went OK.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Why does Bigfoot only leave footprints behind?
Sasquatch doesn't litter in the great outdoors.
What do you call bananas who are friends with monkeys? A bunch of idiots.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What is a koala bear’s favorite mixed drink? A pina koala.
Why did the hawk sit on the church’s steeple?
It was a bird of pray.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
"Stop and smell the rosé."
What is a Ghost’s favourite treat? Ice-scream floats.
I tried out a lactose free diet. I stopped because I couldn’t figure out how to milk the almonds.
Why did the giant use clouds to make pancakes? To make them light and fluffy.
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
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