My wife always said she believes in abstaining from s*x before marriage...
The way things are going, I now think she meant her second marriage.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
We’re having a really difficult time selling our house. We blame it on the neighbors.
They always have the lawn sprinkler on… It’s a source of constant irrigation.
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
My father decided to mow the lawn today. As he mowed, all the grass blade.
What does bread say to a friend after doing them a favor?
It’s the yeast I could do.
Which Oiler great had a soft spot for Indian food? Jari Curry.
*nurse flips on a light switch*
“The Doctor will see you now.”
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
Sherlock Holmes was doing some gardening, Watson asked what he was planting. He replied “A lemon tree, my dear Watson”.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
What should you do when you see Frankenstein walking towards you?
Make a bolt for it.
What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician?
"He didn't count on this."
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
We’ll have a ball.
It wasn't til I studied Spanish as an adult that learned Spain discovered Canada.
As our teacher explained it, the first maps said "Acá, nada."
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What do you call a diving dog?
A sub woofer.
What do you call a sketchy looking Bigfoot?
A Susquatch.
The glass eyeball manufacturer is having a promotion
An eye for an eye.
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
The mother helped her child bake bread because it was a labor of loaf. True enough.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
What do you call a martial artist who injured his leg?
Bruised Knee.
What did the nuclear physicist have for lunch?
Fission Chips.
When strawberries, blueberries or blackberries meet another berry they like and want to get married who do they go see?
The marionberry
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
How do you call a man who can cook an egg on his head?
pan o man.
I told you snow.
When I broke my brother's favorite toy, he turned absolutely red in anger.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
"Beat it." — Michael Jackson, "Beat It"
Why are urinals the worst place to spend time?
Because it’s where all the di**s hang out.
What do you call it when a skeleton is having a great time?
An osteoblast.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
Why were the volleyball players always tying in tic tac toe? Each time one of them sets an X, the other player just says O.
I banged my bike against the wall today. it was wheelie unfortunate.
Go to BabaMail
