What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What do you call a rifle that shoots salt?
A salt rifle.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Are you a drum? Because my heart beats for you.
How did the rabbit become a wrestling champion? It had a lot of hare pins!
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
Broken pencils are pointless.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
A man named Martin Draw was campaigning for the Senate. He printed up shirts saying “I’m with Draw” to support his campaign. The next day, he wore the shirt to a tennis tournament. When he walked up to the tournament desk, the director handed him his money back and asked him why he couldn’t play.
In Spain, you should not develop a program beyond 2.0.
Because that would be over dos.
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
I don't use shampoo when I wash my hair.
I'm a man - I use real poo.
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
I think a couch can endure many things, but if you take off its cushions, it would make it uncomfortable.
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybee
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
I knew a guy in jail who would never knife a man in the back or when he was down
He was the very model of shivalry.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Breakfasts with my family always feel like a party because they're always making toasts.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
Whats the distant cousin of the werewolf?
The way over therewolf.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
Werewolves keep their spare things in a were-house.
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
And as you can see, they were Wright.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
How does a goblin eat a hotdog?
By goblin it.
Fresh fried fish,
Fish fresh fried,
Fried fish fresh,
Fish fried fresh.
One of my ancestors was once hired by Henry VIII to teach his son to play the trumpet
He was a Tudor tooter tutor.
I was attacked by a group of mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
Where does a brain go on vacation?
To a hippo camp us.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What's the difference between a Yankee Stadium hot dog and a Fenway Park hot dog? You can buy a Yankee Stadium hot dog in October.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
Did you know that milk is a very religious beverage? Most of them are pastor-ized.
What did the hamburger coach tell his team after they lost the first round? “You have to keep frying, you can’t give up”.
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