Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
What do you call a small turd?
A dumpling.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
Two candies had a beautiful wedding. They were truly mint to be
Did you know Doctor Frankenstein used to be a lonely, lonely man?
Then he learned how to make friends.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
I had a traumatic experience with peas. I even had to go to thera-pea.
I used my credit card to buy 1-ply toilet paper.
And now I'm paying for it.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship
Our local store had a problem with people stealing their feminine hygiene products,
so they installed a padlock.
What do you call a boat full of high school graduates
A scholarship.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
I pitcher us together forever.
I love you and I ain’t lion.
What job on a construction site is best suited to a skeleton?
Cranium operator.
How many tacos can an octopus eat?
Ten tacos.
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.
My wife said she wants me to consider purchasing a decent telescope for the family to use.
I told her I’d look into it.
All clover the world.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Why will you never see a realtor reading books?
Because books only have page numbers!
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
I bought a complete set of kitchen utensils off an infomercial. I was frustrated that there was nothing to mix my eggs...
...but to be fair, they did say it was whisk-free offer.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
Books on helium are so hard to put down.
They say marriage is like a workshop. Where the man works and the women shops.
What is the difference between pea soup and roast beef? Everyone would roast beef.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
Why do blues musicians tour the most in the summer? So they can visit all their kids.
Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
Why did the bald man decide to paint a bunch of rabbits on his head? He thought that they could look like hares from a distance.
What do you call it when witches are optimistic about the future?
Witchful thinking.
What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?
Water-mole-ns
My four year old has been learning Spanish all year and still can't say the word please.
Which I think is poor for four.
I used to sell loose onions
Until I got the sack
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.
the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?
My pizza jokes can’t be topped!
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his tea before it was cool.
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