Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
Why did the pony ask for a glass of water?
Because he felt like he was a little horse.
We like to paddy.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
What is a car’s favourite movie character?
Aerial from The Little Mermaid.
What would you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers!
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
Why are street thugs so good at basketball?
Because they know how to shoot, steal, and run.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
I don’t want naan of that. Neither do I!
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
I feel like I have seen that ghost before...I must have deja boo.
What did the Indian kid say to his mother when she left India?
Mumbai
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
Got a couple of railway buffers going cheap. It was an end of line sale.
What happened when the pun misbehaved in school?
He was pun-alized with detention!
I'm fondue you, it's true
What do you call a white bear that's shaped like a tooth?
A Molar Bear.
What should you do if you drop a root vegetable face down?
Turnip over.
The oranges have great eyesight because they always keep their eyes peeled.
Something’s goat to give.
You make me hap-pea, we're like two peas in a pod.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
Why do kids love to clean out the cookie jar for Halloween? To make room for Halloween candy.
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? Short ribs!
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What do oranges like to listen to?
Musical com-peel-ations.
What do you get if you cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle neck jumper.
What do you call a crab that throws things?
Lobster
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
I “lub” you.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite drink?
A juice pouch.
Do perfumes expire?
In essence, they do.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
I sued the airport authorities because they misplaced my belongings
I lost the case
"Love the wine you're with."
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
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