What did the ghost do at the red light? He came to a dead stop.
I avoid bike trails after dark. They are full of cycle paths.
Show your popcorn and coke guy at the movies a little appreciation. After all, he makes a lot of concessions.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
How did cars protect themselves during the medieval age?
They would dig an M.O.T. around them.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What’s Irish and comes out in the spring?
Paddy O’Furniture.
The color turquoise was judged as the best new color because it was cyantifically proven to be.
I just told my family a pun about bees.
It was so good that everyone gave me hive fives.
Why did Billy make a bunch of snowmen to be his friends?
Because he wanted to hang with the cool kids!
What made the dinosaur's car stop ? A flat Tire-annosaurus
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
You shouldn’t put orange slices in your beer. Well, maybe once in a Blue Moon.
What did one mole say to the other?
We have great chemistry together.
What do you call a mislabeled orange juice container?
Pulp fiction.
My wife just started an all-fruit diet.
There was enough food to make a mango crazy.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
What would you call an ogre who can write and recite poetry??
Shrekspeare.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
The orange was really sad at the event because it had no peelings whatsoever for the desperate prune.
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Why couldn’t the string quartet find their composer?
He was Haydn.
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
My wife and I went to see a realtor.
“Have you guys considered moving houses?” he asked.
I said, “No, we don’t like caravans.”
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Birch, please.
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Can I have your last avocado?
Avocadon’t you dare.
What type of weapon can you make with potassium, iron and nickel? A KniFe.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
Thank brew very much.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her a bath. She wasn't content.
I'm so upset, I even used color pencils for this.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What do you call a baker with a cold?
Coughee cake.
My Gourd, Autumn is so fall of herself!
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
Why did the bunny build herself a new house? She was fed up with the hole thing!
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
Why was the ocean angry? Because the ocean didn't wave back.
A good friend of mine fell into a vaporiser and died.
She is sadly mist.
Nut cookies are the best gifts for nutty friends.
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumby!
What do you call a furniture store that is over 30 miles away?
The Sofa-r store
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
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