Why did the police arrest a cup of snow?
For just-ice
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
I don't get why a kid in my son's Pre-K class gave everyone an inflatable sword as a party favor for their birthday.
It's pointless.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What do you call a baby lion on lettuce?
Cub Salad.
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was Abel.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock.
Why did the little birdie go to the hospital?
To get tweetment.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Why did the bicycle go to bed early?
Because it was two-tyred
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Why do basketball players love cookies? Because they can dunk them!
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
You’ve stolen my heart. I hereby place you under cardiac arrest.
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
What is a vegan Viking called?
A Norvegan.
The toilets at an AMF are known as the boweling alleys.
Why was the bucket so embarrassed at the beach?
Because of how pail it was.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
What is a car’s favourite band?
Van Halen.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
How does Big Foot find his way through the deepest darkest forests?
He just follows the big footpath!
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I had fresh coconut the last time I went to Hawaii. It’s a tough nut to crack.
[Water Slide] I was going to get some work done, but I decided to let it slide.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
The most suitable way to bake a pie in autumn is to bake it to pie-fection!
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