Why was there a troop of gorillas protesting outside the biscuit factory?
They wanted to stop the production of animal crackers.
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
Why did the realtor open a bakery shop?
Because he was dealing in dough!
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What did the laser weapon say to the atom bomb?
"OK boomer."
Why did the river refuse to join the sea? Because the sea was salty.
I’m in such a Henri to get to France!
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
What made the baby cookie cry so loud? His mother was a wafer so long.
Q: What’s red and goes up and down, up and down?
A: A cherry in a lift.
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
My wireless keyboard isn't working
I guess I need to re-pair it.
How are air conditioners like humans?
Both get turned on when it's hot.
Fish taco says why don't you want to taco about it And the nacho says cause I'm nacho friend.
How do you get down off a horse?
You don’t, you get down off a duck.
The ocean cut off all ties with the river, because the river turned out to be too shallow.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
What's the best part about the end of Halloween?
Putting the skeletons back in the closet!
I’d like to tell a joke about salt but then said to myself: "Na."
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
My friend who's a vampire was feeling a bit low. I told him to drink B positive.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why did Bill's friend get covered in beer?
Because William Shakes Beer.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
A brain aneurysm would be swell.
I love you deerly.
I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
I used to be part of a ten pin league. Our team name was 'Bowl Movement'.
My sister asked me to hand her lipstick but i handed her a glue stick instead
She still won’t talk to me
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
I read dead people.
What's the worst part about being a beaver?
It's a lot of dam work.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
What’s the silliest name you can give a tiger?
Spot.
What is it called when you're singing in the shower and shampoo gets in your mouth?
A soap opera.
When I tried taking a picture of my bread load, it came out grainy. I think that that is a common problem.
What did the girl say before making a big decision?
‘Do not pressure me.’
How do you spot a deer behind you? With hind-sight!
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
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