Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
Santa's beard is so long because he's bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?
Why did the artist cross the street? To crosshatch to the other side.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
Why are there old dinosaur bones in the museum? Because they can't afford new ones!
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
Deja moo:
That feeling you've heard this bull before.
When the Vikings discovered America, what did they name it?
Norse America.
A prisoner was released from jail, he shouted "Yay I'm free I'm free!" A little boy yelled "So what I'm 4 I'm 4!"
What's the ghoul's favorite sauce?
Grave-y.
I wanted to redo the flooring in my bathroom, but I did not have enough tiles...
It was a few'tile effort.
Where to Bees go to party in Spain?
Ibiza.
Why should you never eat the fish in France?
Because it's poisson.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
Why was red in awe of orange?
“Because orange blue green.”
What does a cat wear to stop smelling? Antipurrspirant!
The salesman at the furniture store told me "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems!"
To which I said, “Where on earth am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
What is a ghoul’s favorite snack food?
Ghoul scout cookies!
Who is the most powerful potato? Darth Tater.
When my girlfriend told me she needed time and distance, my heart almost stopped,
Fortunately, she was just calculating velocity.
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
What did the witch say when the door-to-door broom salesman showed her a vacuum.
I don't want an automatic. I want a stick shift!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
What do you call a lobster that's afraid of tight spaces?
Claw-strophobic
Did you hear about the guy who had an addiction to cheddar cheese?
It was only mild.
Can I Alp you?
One more thyme.
You're my purr-son.
Artists know how to draw the line, so you can't really peer pressure them.
SIBLING PUNS
Who’s the pimple’s favorite sibling?
His cyst-er.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
What do ghouls drink?
Boos!
"I just want some peach and quiet!," said the orange.
What cheese do beavers like? eDam
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What did the dolphin say when it broke its neighbor’s window?
It wasn’t on porpoise!
When winter comes, this town turns into an iceburg.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Why did Wonder Woman rescue the Wine?
Because that's what grape lady superheroes do!
What kind of chocolate do ghouls like?
Hearse-sheys!
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
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