What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Why does the lettuce always win the bodybuilding competition?
Cuz it starts a head and is usually shredded.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Is an argument between two vegans, still called a beef?
Where do the monkeys melt their cheese?
Under the gorilla.
Q. What did the mother doe name her new twin babies?
A. Bam B and Bam A.
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So when they come back to port they can scandinavian.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
What do you call the Frankenstein of the Gardening world?
An A-botan-ation.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
What is the favorite punk band of onions? It is a band known as "Good Shallot"!
Why do Christians in Japan always put an extra cup at the table?
For God's sake.
One should never mix oranges in apple juice. Well, perhaps you may do it once in a blue moon.
What kind of cheese protects a castle?
Moat-zarella.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
You know what they say about ice cream parents?
They play flavorites.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
Classical conditioning.
Organic chemistry is really hard.
Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
We all know that the New England Patriots have their soup in the Super Bowl.
when I’m with you.
What did the pizza say when it asked the topping out on a date?
I never sausage a beautiful face.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
Why did an agent decide to hide his realtor license?
Because he wanted to be a secret agent.
What is a car’s favourite sport?
Soc-car.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
I told the cowboy to eat salad with his fingers
He said he needed a ranch hand.
Why is ice cream so bad at tennis?
They have a soft serve.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
How do people take a dump when, well, nobody gives a s**t?
I had to unclog my sink today.
I found it to be very draining.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What do you call a girl with no arms, no legs, sitting in a watermelon patch?
“Melanie! (melon-y)”
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
The best place to search for information about witches is wicca-pedia.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
Did you hear about the man who used to be addicted to eating raw meat? Don't worry, he's cured now!
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
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