What do you call rabbits that live at the North Pole? Cold.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
What will you do if you come across a green alien? I’ll simply wait until it’s ripe.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
What do you get when you play Tug-of-War with a pig? Pulled-Pork
I am a peach, and when my husband accompanies me, we are a pear.
Old Software Engineers Never Die...
They just reboot.
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
The painter wanted to feel the texture, so he buttered his toast with his fingers.
A friend of mine swallowed some food colouring. He feels he dyed a little inside.
What do you call it when a doctor puts a camera inside of a bottle of perfume?
A cologne-oscopy.
The kindergarten kids were taught the alphabet and peach sounds at school.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
What do ghouls and goblins put on their nachos?
Ghost peppers.
I hear you like wine, too. Grape minds think alike.
I don't like strong perfumes...
I guess I'm inscentsitive.
Where do you think the astronauts keep their sandwiches? In the launch-box.
Did you hear about the color bomb?
Yeah it blue up.
I was throwing oranges at tropical birds. One of them caught one then said: “Toucan play that game”
What is a nurse’s favorite element?
Healium.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet?
A UF-hoe.
The satellite went into the orbit, right on January 1st, causing a New Year’s revolution.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
Why do donuts make terrible teachers?
They’re always glazing over the important stuff.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine's Day
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
The coddled superstar sat in the seats with the fans instead of on the bench
with the team; for this, ironically enough, he was accused of grandstanding!
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
If you are going to sleep, I wish you suite dreams.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
What does a biologist wear when they're going out?
Designer genes.
My sheep-powered computer was starting to run slowly
So I added more ram
When you go with an army general onto a bowling alley, he will start bowling even before you enter his name on the scoreboard.
What are a submissive's favorite vegetables?
Collared greens.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
I keep telling my wife I want a Segway for my birthday.
But every time I bring it up, she changes the topic.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
“Remember: don’t eat the yellow snow.”
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What do planets like to read?
Comet books.
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
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