Why did the koala get fired from his job?
Because he would only do the bear minimum.
Q: Why is a carrot orange and pointy?
A: Because if it was green and round, it would be a pea!
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What happens when you go to the bathroom in France?
European!
Why are big boats called "Yachts"?
Because they cost "Yachts of money".
Denise sees the fleece,
Denise sees the fleas.
At least Denise could sneeze
and feed and freeze the fleas
What's green with red spots?
A frog with the chicken pox.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
Say it ain’t snow.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What is a skeleton’s favorite type of film to watch?
A spine-tingler.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Spending time at the pool really floats my boat.
Strawberries are great musicians because they make perfect jam sessions.
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What did the beaver say after she slipped in water?
Dam it.
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
What did one angry werewolf say to the other?
- I have a bone to pick with you!
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
What is Tom Hanks' favourite soft cheese? Philadelphia.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
"Darling, shall we buy some vegetables for tonight?"
"Yes, lettuce!"
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
He apologized for driving the orange to the edge of the blade
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
What do you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman? A dead ringer.
Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist? He no longer believed in himself.
Do you know why bread hates warm weather? It just makes things too toasty.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
I was surprised that although I was supposed to be feeling blue, my heart was not that heavy. Perhaps, I am feeling light blue.
Oh autumn, please don't ever leaf me again.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet?
A UF-hoe.
We've been driving all day, I need a brake.
My suitcase started crying when I picked it up. I was carrying emotional baggage.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
"This is the last straw!"
I shouted to my wife as I put it in my drink...
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he just didn't have an ear for music.
The police have been interrogating the walnut for several mi-nuts now. It’s a tough nut to crack!
I came across a man who was eating strawberries at the bank. He told me he wanted to eat rich food.
What happened when the onion tried to cross the bridge guarded by Gandalf? Gandalf shouted, "You shallot pass this bridge!"
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
What did Sophocles call his dating service in Ancient Greece?
Oedipal Arrangements.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What do people with ambition drink? Loft-Tea.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What do you call it when vegetables have siblings?
Pumpkin.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
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