What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
I asked for coffee.
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Me me mo mi get me a mole,
Mo mi mo me send me a toe,
Fe me mo mi get me a mole,
Mister kister feet so sweet,
Mister kister where will I eat !?
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
What trophy does a stay-at-home defencemen win? The Snorris!
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
What do you call a 1 cent coin in Italy?
A penne.
There was a stampede out on the dairy farm. It was udder chaos.
When the strawberry's favorite song came on, he exclaimed "That's my jam!"
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
Which Led Zeppelin song do realtors love most?
“A Whole Lot Of Love.”
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
Ana hits a lot of floating shots that her opponents destroy for winners. We need to sitter down and have a talk.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
I used to be a narcissist.
But now look at me.
Why did the volcano say to the mountain? I lava you
My mother told me to leave the peach cobbler alone on the table. But I couldn't help but watch the cobbler make the beautiful peach shoes.
What did the deer say when she wanted to be left alone?
“Doe away!”
My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets but delivery took forever...
She says it was worth the weight.
How did the monster predict his future?
With the horror-scope!
My printer just told me it was joining a band.
Makes sense since it lives to jam.
What is it called when a tree has spine problems?
ScoliOAKsis.
Vampires can always Count on Dracula.
"I hate tacos!"
Said no Juan ever.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
My heater won't stop running.
I swear it has no chill.
What do you do when a pickle wants to play cards?
Dill'em in.
This is a taco and burrito conversation.
Nachos.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
The farmer cried wolf when all his three pigs were mauled by the jungle wolf.
How many yaks could a yak pack, pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
What time do ladies drink wine?
At Wine O'Clock.
When the librarian bumped her head, she had no one to blame but her shelf.
What do you call a tree without teeth?
A gumtree.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
I ordered the wrong kind of flowers online for Valentines Day.
Oops e-daisies.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I’ve been experimenting with attaching various kitchen utensils to my power drill
I got mixed results.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
In Spain, you should not develop a program beyond 2.0.
Because that would be over dos.
When Berry the dog dug up the woman's strawberry patch, she angrily exclaimed "That is the final straw, Berry."
Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.
It's better to amputate at the shoulder,
Its twice as much work to cut off forearms.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
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