What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
Why did the donut go to the doctor?
He was feeling crumby.
If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
Why did the strawberries turned red? Because they saw the salad dressing.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
Baking and Fire Safety can go hand-in-hand.
Stop, drop and roll
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Whilst holidaying in France I saw a group of mushrooms performing Queen covers.
I said 'You're brilliant, what's the band called?'
They replied 'We are the Champignons."
How do you leave any building in Spain?
You "follow salida lida lida..."
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Something in a thirty-acre thermal thicket of thorns and thistles thumped and thundered threatening the three-D thoughts of Matthew the thug – although, theatrically, it was only the thirteen-thousand thistles and thorns through the underneath of his thigh that the thirty-year-old thug thought of that morning.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
How does a car begin telling you bad news?
‘I hate to brake it to you…’
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
My bag of fruit snacks had all grapes
Today’s gonna be a grape day!
What does a caped monkey superhero drive?
A banana-mobile.
What did the watermelon wife say to his stinky husband? You’ve got a strange smelon you today.
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
What kind of dog did Frankenstein want for Christmas?
A lab.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? He couldn’t find a date.
Why was the bus driver so confused? He was 'bus-t' in traffic!
Will the Red Wings be able to replace their venerable captain Steve? No, because
when it comes to hockey smarts there is no Yzer man.
What were the ponies most excited for in the meal?
The main horse.
I tried looking up ice cream puns on the Internet...
But then my browser froze.
You want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What do all French cars come with as standard?
A spare wheel of cheese.
How do you sum up a cashew?
In a nutshell.
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
What did one crow say to the other after the party?
We were raven.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
What is it called when two spies hug?
A bond-ing moment.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.
What did the ghost who crashed the Halloween party say? - I’m here for the boos!
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"That was a hard drive."
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
I once attended the saddest watermelon funeral I’ve ever been to. I gotta say, I’ve never seen anything so meloncholy in my life.
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