"Let's have some skele-fun."
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why did the werewolf need to talk with the skeleton?
He had a bone to pick with him.
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause like to go outside in spring?
Because of all the rain, dear.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
Which building do vampires always visit when in New York?
The Vampire State Building.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
What do you call an alien spaceship that goes from planet to planet to planet? A UF-hoe.
What do you think they use in space, when they run out of the drinking cups? The Big Dipper.
What do you call Bigfoot from Canada?
Sasquatch-ewan.
Knock, knock! Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? Knock knock Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?
I asked a train engineer how many times his train had derailed. He said, “I’m not sure, it’s hard to keep track.”
Did you know you can fit 30 bananas in a kangaroo’s pouch?
Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
No one laughed at my soup puns. I said "When I crack a soup joke, everyone is soup-posed to laugh".
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
Some types of meat like to play around a lot. These are generally the game types.
Why did the cheese get in trouble?
It was up to no gouda.
Whats the best cheese to coax a bear down a mountain? Camembert (Come On Bear)
“I love you from head to mistletoe.”
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Where do light bulbs go shopping? The outlet stores.”
Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on the planet?
It's pasteurized before you see it.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
I was attacked by a group of mimes.
They did unspeakable things to me.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
What do you call a paper plane that doesn't fly ?
Stationary.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
I went to the backyard this morning and saw a bird of prey drinking a pumpkin spice latte.
It was a millennial falcon.
What do you say to an angry 300-pound baked potato? Anything, just butter him up.
What‘s an Italian’s favorite tea?
Spagettea!
The cold broth is known to have lived in Stock-holm.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
Q. Which African animal is the oldest?
A. The zebra. 'Cause it's in black and white.
What happened to the man who turned into a pistachio?
He became a shell of who he once was.
Where do aliens park their flying saucers?
At a parking meteor.
In a conversation between one pin and another, one said, “Let us never split.”
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
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