Why do Geologists go to Lollapalooza? To get their "Rock" On.
Why is spring a great time to start a gardening business?
Because it’s the season when you can really rake in the cash.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do you call a whirlwind winter romance?
Love at frost sight!
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
The vampires were in a mood, so I thought I'd do something to cheer them up. They were over the moon that I re-vamped their castle.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
How do you call stage diving at Oktoberfest?
Krautsurfing.
What kind of werewolf can track down flowers ?
A bud hound
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
What Do You Say To A One Legged Hitch Hiker
Hop In.
I’m feelin’ pine.
Why was the glow worm unhappy ?
Because her children weren’t that bright !
What do horses get after graduating university?
A pedegree.
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time too.
What do you call a bear that’s stuck out in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
During the blizzard, the jalapeno said, I'm a little chilli.
I told my husband I'd missed the bus.
He asked me what I was trying to hit it with.
What do butchers say after they meet someone new? “Mince to meat you.”
The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.
Longfellow is the known poet of basketball.
What do you call it when a cardiology student flunks out?
Heart failure.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What's as big as a dinosaur but weighs nothing? Her shadow!
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
Let’s commit the perfect crime together.
I’ll steal your heart and you can steal mine.
What do you call a horse on a boat attached to land?
Docked.
What do you call it when a truck of tortoises crashes into an aquarium?
A turtle disaster.
Lately my wife has been looking at me as if I'm a piece of meat....
And it wouldn't bother me, if she wasn't a vegan.
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants.
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
What do you get when you fart on your wallet?
Gas Money.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
An electrician needed to change 8 fluorescent lamps to brighten up a large conference room at our office. I asked him if he needed a hand carrying them.
He said no, this is light.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest? A Holy Donut!
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
I was at a funeral & asked the priest for the WiFi password
"Have some respect for the dead!" he said
I replied "Is that all lower case?"
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
If your doctor tells you to go on a low sodium diet, do you take his advise with a grain of salt?
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
What happened to the plane run by a computer?
It crashed.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
I do wonder why my flamingo friends always do so well in tests and exams. After all, they always just wing it.
Living costs on the moon would probably be out of this world.
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