This joke is like the time I slipped and fell into a salad.
Corny on the Cobb.
Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it's too hard to put them on the bottom!
Where do sharks go when they want a vacation? Finland
Sometimes we eat a crow while other times we eat Croatia.
Is tea with additional salt
Salt-tea?
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
I always wondered why the watermelon loving librarian never touched any of the books; turns out she’d red them all.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a sloth? A slow leopard.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
Cheesy Valentines Day Sayings
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
Did you hear about the geologist who was reading a book about Helium?
He just couldn’t put it down.
What do you call a medieval spearman who is self employed?
A freelancer.
The paddy don’t start till I walk in.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
“He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.”
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
Why do we love wine puns?
Because they're grape!
What do you call a dude who really likes autumn?
A fall guy!
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
What do cows like to eat for lunch?
Moo-shroom soup
Paleontologists found the world's oldest toothbrush.
They believe it came from the Flossiraptor.
Did you hear that the diet clinic was doing great business? They say that it’d really take your breadth away.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
I hit a crow in my truck one day, and it flew into the next lane and landed on a police car. I was ticketed for flipping the officer the bird.
What is the pineapple’s relationship status? Pineapply married.
What the motto of a Boy Scout who got a badge for fixing a bicycle horn?
Beep Repaired!
Hold on for deer life.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
College-age vampires only ever shop in one place - Forever 21.
I like to crouch down, hug my knees and lean forward.
That's just how I roll
If you're in a food fight, always throw peas. We need to give peas a chance.
In every corny joke,
There is a kernel of truth.
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