What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
What is the definition of art theft? A: The haul of frames.
I’m so adjective, I verb noun.
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad.
Does it come with window dressing?
I ordered chicken fingers tossed in Buffalo sauce the other day
I asked the chef to be gentle while tossing them though. Because they’re tenders.
You say "easy peasy lemon squeezy"
... but I prefer "depressed stressed lemon zest."
When I went to highschool in Italy my classmates were one year older than me.
I Skipped pasta grade.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
Fishing you a happy day.
When the chef asked me how I would like my soup, I said "I would like minestrone".
What is a jack o lantern's favorite pick up line?
"Darling, you look GOURD-EOUS!!"
Some bunny loves you.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
What happened to the zombie that made him visit the doctor? He had a crummy feeling.
What did the plate say to the fork? Lunch is on me.
What do you call an eyeless deer?
No-eye-deer.
Whoever slit the sheets is a good sheet slitter.
What’s the coolest part of a skeleton?
The hip.
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
You are in my heart, my mind, and in my entire body.
In fact, my doctor says that you must be a parasite!
Check your shelf before you wreck your shelf.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and asks: “Is this stool taken?”
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
What is a cat’s favorite piece of artwork? The paw-trait of Meowna Lisa.
Where will you find an FBI sketch artist? In the bureau drawer.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
How do you know when a baby koala bear is happy? You’ll see them jump for joey!
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?
Count Draculas.
What’s the first line of the pig bible? “In the bacon-ing…”
Why doesn’t Frankenstein go on airplanes?
He can’t get past the airport metal detector.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
I know a family of artists but I am not sure how they make so much money...
Very sketchy people.
I saw a pun on chocolate bars but it wasn’t that fun
So I just snickered.
The fruit bat ate the orange because of its appeal. It had such a nice color.
Some very good advice strawberries give to their children is to respect their elder-berries.
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost? No haunting license.
It peels nice to be voted in as the most appeeling model in the contest.
I came, I thaw, I conquered.
Where does a tiger sleep?
Anywhere he wants to!
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