What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
What do you call the king of vegetables? Elvis Parsley.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
I came, I thaw, I conquered.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? A tire.
Deja brew all over again.
What do you call a depressed vegetable
Despairagus.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
Why can’t a group of skeletons ever get anything done?
It’s a skeleton crew.
What's black, white, orange, and waddles? A penguin carrying a Jack-o-lantern.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
Boy: Oh I can't believe that Jesus is so sweet! Girl: Well that's because He's a life saver!
There’s a new dish out; it’s a cross between a cake and a bird. They call it a Flan-ingo.
What is the difference between a pineapple and a school bus? The little pricks are on the inside of the bus, but on the outside of the pineapple.
What did one cheese tell the other cheese on Valentine’s day?
Brie mine.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
The interesting the about engineering Toilet Paper.
It's an a-ply-ed science.
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said "Da, award."
Why is the corn army so dysfunctional?
Cause there are too many Kernels.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
I stubbed my toe onto a piece of furniture. C-ouch!
My hypochondriac brother just told me he thinks he's got a brain tumor.
I told him not to worry, it's probably all in his head.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
Why are kangaroos so qualified to be teachers?
Because they’re kan-gurus.
Why could the Italian Chef not unlock his car?
He had Gnocchi.
What’s the difference between a buffalo and a bison?...
You can’t wash your hands in a buffalo.
In the magazine polls held this fall, Autumn was declared as the cutest season because it's awwwtumn!
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
My vaccine dad joke failed.
But it was worth a shot.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
Why can’t I ever win a game returning serve? Give me a break.
Easter dinner was great today
We made sure it had all the crucifixins'.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
Bowlers pay a lot of money to play. This is because it is a bum per lane.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.
he dropped the beet.
The bottom of the butter bucket is the buttered bucket bottom.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
When I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flower, my teacher said I was the perfect roll-model.
Why did the baker go to the toilet?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
What did Archimedes's girlfriend told him when he hadn't taken bath for several days?
Eu-reek-a
What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room? A spoo-key.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
Why do potatoes make good detectives?
Because they keep their eyes peeled.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
Go to BabaMail
