What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
What do you call a collection of bones made out of kitchenware?
A skillet-ton.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What's a pun's favorite love song?
"My Punny Valentine!"
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
Why wasn't the geologist hungry? He lost his apatite.
How many atoms are in guacamole?
Avocados number.
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
Why do people love juicy pineapple? Because it “ripens” their day.
What's the difference between a BMW and a Cactus?
Pricks are on the outside of Cactuses.
This is snow laughing matter!
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees.
I think she's a keeper
I woke up in the middle of the night and found all the blankets on my bed were missing.
I was scared sheetless.
How does the cell phone call his girlfriend on Valentine's Day? He gives her a ring.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
What did the orange say to the lemon?
"'yello!"
What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
Now that it's summer, we've got to seas the day!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
A restaurant server was fired on his first day of work for taking a woman’s salad.
He thought the manager said “seize her salad”.
Having been thrown out of cartoon art school, he was in suspended animation.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
Last time I was in France I wanted to ask a question about strawberries
But I wasn't sure how to fraise it.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentine’s Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. The heart wants what the heart wants.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son.
Beehive!
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
What did one hummus say to the other hummus
“Sabra.”
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?
Rock was magma before it was cool.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
“URINE: opposite of ‘you’re out.'”
What did the right hemisphere say to the left hemisphere when they could not agree on anything?
Let's split.
Walnuts are hard to crack open. It can take several mi-nuts.
As a mythologist and head of the household,
My word is lore.
What is black, purple, blue, yellow and white? Sugilite, sardonyx and opal all fighting over a gumball.
What did the doctor give the lollipop when he broke his leg
A candy cane.
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
What's a hen's favorite shipping company?
Federal Egg-spress.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
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