Did you know Teslas don't have that new car smell?
They have more of an Elon Musk.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
Some bunny loves you.
Why did the bunny go to the hospital?
Because he needed a hopperation.
All the chairs in my town were stolen
The people can’t stand it.
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
When in France, I have Nantes-thing to complain about.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
What does an anteater like on its pizza?
Ant-chovies.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Tried acting in a theatre full of farmers. Got mooed off stage.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
What did ketchup say while spotting his friend at the gym?
Mustard all of your strength!
What can you find in the middle of April and March but not at the beginning or end of either?
The letter R!
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall down a cliff,
Ba-dum-tss
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
An organization that citricises its workers cannot get the maximum juice out of them.
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
Ringo, John snd George walked into an electric guitar shop...
They were less Paul.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
I'm starting a music group that performs Classical Greek music.
I'm calling it Oedipal Arrangements.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What is everyone getting for completing No Nut November?
“Nuttin”
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What did the arirst say to his friend who was stressed? Don't worry, paintbrush it off.
Are Earth and Moon good friends? Yes, they’ve been going around together for many years now.
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
Pulp Friction.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What is the favorite color of onions all around the world? Their favorite color is the o-neon.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
What's a barista's favorite morning mantra? Rise and grind.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What do you call a detective who is also a real estate agent?
Sherlock Homes
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
What is a pirate’s favorite cheese?
Ched-arrrrgh!
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
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