I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
She stood on the balcony, inexplicably mimicking him hiccuping, and amicably welcoming him in.
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
Wanna hear the mountain joke?
nah you won't get over it
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What's the article of winter clothing most appropriate for Valentine's Day?
's mitten.
Where do recluses live in Spain?
Barceloner.
Stuck on what to get your Mum for Mother's Day?
Get her a fridge and watch her face light up as she opens it.
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
When astronauts die, the local papers run an orbituary.
Where do astronauts go for lunch?
Apollo Loco.
My husband slapped a fly off the door and said 'Not on my watch!'
I told him "That's a door"
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
Why did the larger car go first?
It had the right of weigh.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A plumpkin!
What type of cat lives under the sea? A purr-maid.
What do frogs drink?
Croak-a-cola.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
What do you call really scared pasta?
Chicken noodles.
Who is the coolest Doctor in the hospital?
The hip Doctor!
Who is the second coolest man in hospital?
The hip replacement guy!
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test?
This is too much pressure!
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
I only have ice for you.
Where’s the best beach to buy sports gear at?
Jersey Shore.
Dracula always read the best selling local newspaper because he heard that it had a good circulation.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call a toilet perched on top of an active volcano?
The lavatory.
My mother's mother lost her false teeth at the retirement home. We searched the place everywhere but couldn't find them.
We looked in every nook and granny!
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
What did the band Boston say in praise of the Sistine Chapel?
"It's more than a ceiling"
She sells seashells on the seashore.
The shells she sells are seashells, I’m sure.
And if she sells seashells on the seashore,
Then I’m sure she sells seashore shells.
Why do people in Greece not wake up until noon?
Because Dawn is tough on greece.
Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
Half of Italy is complaining about the coronavirus and the other half is laughing not taking it seriously.
All they do is cheese and wine.
How does a pineapple answer the phone? “Yel-low?”
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
Why didn’t the skeleton scare the trick-or-treaters on Halloween?
He didn’t have the heart.
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What is good at maths and related to a crocodile?
A calcu-gator
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
A Coco-naut
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